Crises in the family are the main stages. Family life cycle. Ways to overcome family crises

A family is a historically specific system of relationships between spouses, parents and children, as a small group connected by marriage or kinship. The functions of the family as a way of showing the activity, life of the family and its members are historical and closely related to the socio-economic conditions of society. The modern family is characterized by reproductive, educational, household, economic, primary social control, spiritual communication, social status, recreational, emotional and sexual functions.

The family in its synchronous functioning is a system that is in some balance due to the established connections. However, this balance itself is mobile, living, changing and renewing. A change in the social situation, the development of a family or one of its members entails a change in the entire system of intra-family relations and creates conditions for the emergence of new opportunities for building relationships, sometimes diametrically opposed.

Let us turn to the concept of "family crisis". A crisis is a sharp, turning point in something (Lapin N. I., Gvishiani D. M.).

Family crisis is a state of the family system, characterized by a violation of homeostatic processes, leading to frustration of the usual ways of functioning of the family and the inability to cope with the new situation using old patterns of behavior.

The family as a social institution has two features. Firstly, the family is a self-regulating system, the culture of communication is developed by the family members themselves; this is inevitably accompanied by a clash of different positions and the emergence of contradictions, which are resolved through mutual agreement and concessions, which is ensured by the internal culture, moral and social maturity of family members. Secondly, the family exists as a union sanctioned by society, the stability of which is possible when interacting with other social institutions: the state, law, public opinion religion, education, culture.

In a family crisis, researchers identify two potential lines further development families: (Eidemiller E. G., Yustitsky V. V):

1. Destructive, leading to a violation of family relations and containing a danger to their existence.

2. Constructive, containing the potential for the family to move to a new level of functioning.

An analysis of the literature on the problem of crisis situations in the family allows us to identify several approaches to describing family crises.

The first is related to the study of the patterns of the family life cycle. In line with this approach, crises are considered as transitional moments between the stages of the life cycle. Such crises are called normative or horizontal stressors. They arise with obstacles or inadequate adaptation during the passage of any stage of the family life cycle.

V. Satir identifies ten critical points in the development of the family.

The first crisis is conception, pregnancy and childbirth.

The second crisis is the beginning of the child's mastery of human speech.

The third crisis - the child builds relationships with external environment(goes in Kindergarten or school).

The fourth crisis - the child enters adolescence.

The fifth crisis - the child becomes an adult and leaves the house.

The sixth crisis - young people get married, and daughters-in-law and sons-in-law enter the family.

The seventh crisis is the onset of menopause in a woman's life.

The eighth crisis is the decrease in the sexual activity of men.

The ninth crisis - parents become grandparents.

Tenth crisis - one of the spouses dies.

Thus, the family in its development is going through a series of stages, accompanied by crises. The basis of the normative crisis fixed at the microfamily level is usually an individual normative crisis of an adult or a child, leading to destabilization of the system.

The second approach is related to the analysis of family life events: family crises can be caused by certain events that affect the stability of the family system. Such crises can occur regardless of the stages of the family life cycle and are called non-normative (N. I. Olifirovich).

The third approach is based on knowledge about crisis situations in the family or its individual subsystems obtained in the course of experimental studies. Of undoubted interest are the studies of Czech scientists who have established and described two "critical periods" in the life of a family.

The first critical period occurs between the 3rd and 7th year of married life and lasts, in a favorable case, for about 1 year. It is promoted by the following factors: fade out romantic mood, active rejection of the contrast in the behavior of a partner during the period of falling in love and in everyday family life, an increase in the number of situations in which spouses find different views on things and cannot come to an agreement, an increase in the manifestations of negative emotions, an increase in tension in relations between partners due to frequent collisions. A crisis situation can also arise without the influence of any external factors that determine the household and economic situation of a married couple, without the intervention of parents, infidelity or some pathological personality traits in one of the spouses.

The second crisis period occurs approximately between the 17th and 25th year life together. This crisis is less deep than the first, it can last 1 year or several years. Its occurrence often coincides with the approach of the period of involution, with an increase in emotional instability, the appearance of fears, various somatic complaints, feelings of loneliness associated with the departure of children, with the growing emotional dependence of the wife, her worries about rapid aging, as well as possible sexual infidelity of her husband.

In both cases, there is an increase in dissatisfaction. The leading role in the case of the first crisis is acquired by a frustrating change in emotional relationships, an increase in the number of conflict situations, an increase in tension (as a manifestation of difficulties in restructuring emotional relationships between spouses, a reflection of domestic and other problems); the second crisis - an increase in somatic complaints, anxiety, a feeling of emptiness of life associated with separation from the family of children.

According to the views of N.V. Samoukina, the first crisis period (5-7 years) is associated with a change in the image of a partner, namely, with a decrease in his psychological status. The second crisis period (13-18 years) is caused by psychological fatigue from each other, by the attraction to novelty in relationships and lifestyle. This period is especially acute for men. It is less painful in those families where the conditions for the relative freedom and independence of the spouses are mutually recognized, and also where both partners begin to look for ways to renew their relationship.

Crises in individual subsystems (for example, the above-described crises in marital relations) can influence the course of normative family crises, intensifying their manifestations.

A family in crisis cannot remain the same; she fails to function adequately in the changed situation, operating with familiar, stereotyped representations and using habitual models of behavior.

Consider the main approaches to the problem of studying the family. The family as a social institution arose with the formation of society. The process of formation and functioning of the family is determined by value-normative regulators. Such, for example, as courtship, the choice of a marriage partner, sexual standards of behavior, the norms that guide the wife and husband, parents and their children, etc., as well as sanctions for their non-compliance. These values, norms and sanctions are the historically changing form of relations between a man and a woman accepted in a given society, through which they streamline and sanction their sexual life and establish their marital, parental and other related rights and obligations.

As a social institution, the family performs the most important functions: the biological reproduction of society (reproductive), the upbringing and socialization of the younger generation, the reproduction of the social structure through the provision of social status to family members, sexual control, care for disabled family members, emotional satisfaction (hedonic).

The family, as a small social group, is a special kind of union between spouses, characterized by a spiritual community. In addition, trusting relationships develop between parents and children in the family, which is why the family is called a typical primary group: these relationships play a fundamental role in shaping the nature and ideals of the individual; they form a sense of integrity, the desire of family members to fully share its inherent views and values. Thirdly, the family is formed in a special way: on the basis of mutual sympathy, spiritual closeness, love. For the formation of other primary groups (as we already noted in the topic on the social structure of society, they are a kind of small groups), it is enough to have common interests.

So, the family is understood as interpersonal interests between spouses, parents, children and other relatives connected by common life, mutual moral responsibility and mutual assistance.

If we turn to the consideration of special literature on the problem of family psychology, we can distinguish two epicenters on which the attention of both research psychologists and practical psychologists is focused: the family as a social system and the family as an educational institution. In other words, psychologists study two areas: ensuring the safety of the family as the most important basic element of society and ensuring that the family transmits the culture of society from one generation of people to another. This suggests that the modern family, experiencing increasing stress, ceases to cope with the performance of these two most important functions. In Russia, in particular, direct and indirect indicators of family troubles are: a catastrophic decline in the birth rate, the highest abortion rate in the world, an increase in out-of-wedlock births, very high infant and maternal mortality, low life expectancy, a high divorce rate, the spread of alternative types of marriage and families (maternal families, cohabitation, families with separate living partners, homosexual families, families with adopted children, etc.), an increase in cases of child abuse in families.

The vast majority of specialists (philosophers, sociologists, psychologists, economists, etc.) who study the family agree that the family is now in a real crisis. Moreover, the manifestations of this crisis reveal themselves the brighter, the higher (on average) the general level of socio-economic development of society, the higher (on average) the standard of living and material well-being of people.

However, it is necessary to make an important remark: the intensity of the processes of socio-economic development (especially high in the so-called "transitional" societies, which in particular include modern Russia) has an extremely destabilizing effect on the whole of society, and therefore on the family as its most important substructure, which largely masks the more general dependence of the increase in the number of family problems on general level socio-economic development.

The crisis of the family is largely due to significant changes in social life in general. Large and small groups, based on the socio-economic differentiation of society, are increasingly losing their role as a space in which direct relations between people are closed, their motives, ideas, and values are formed.

As a rule, the causes of a family crisis are seen by most specialists (especially non-psychologists) in external factors: (social, economic, political, ideological, environmental, and even biological and genetic). This approach to determining the causes of the family crisis can be called sociological (in the broad sense) and adaptive: the family is considered here as an unchanging reality that exists in changing external conditions; family crisis - the result of adverse external influences; overcoming this crisis is seen in the creation of optimal (most favorable) conditions for the functioning of the family. Such an approach to understanding the nature, functions and purpose of the family has long been dominant, and only recently has it begun to be critically rethought.

At first glance, consideration of the crisis of the family seems paradoxical, since it turns out that the optimization of social conditions does not lead to a decrease, but, on the contrary, to an increase in the number of family problems, not to weakening, but to exacerbating the crisis of the modern family.

Along with this traditional approach to the crisis of the family, there is a different vision of this issue, which can be called ecological, as well as psychological: the family is seen as a fairly autonomous subsystem in the system of relationships "society - family - individual", and the family itself is also a complex system of inter- and transpersonal relationships that exist between its members. It should be noted that the family, in changing social conditions, itself also develops, and this development should by no means be defined only negatively, reduced to deviations from a certain standard, model, or understood as derivative, secondary.

Recently, in our state, more and more attention is paid to the development of the younger generation. The main areas of the child's environment, which are the main institutions of influence on his upbringing - the family and the educational system - can help the child grow or can cripple his life. The family has a special place here. The family is a society in miniature, with all its achievements, contradictions, rules, traditions.

One of the most important functions of the family is the socialization of the individual, the transfer of cultural heritage to new generations. The family has great advantages in the socialization of the individual in comparison with other groups due to the special moral and emotional psychological atmosphere of love, care, respect, sensitivity. The family carries out socialization in the most crucial period of life, provides an individual approach to the development of the child, reveals his abilities, interests, needs in time. In the family, a person feels the value of his life, finds selfless dedication, readiness for self-sacrifice in the name of the life of loved ones. A family is created to satisfy not one or two, but a whole complex of vital human needs.

The family is an open, constantly evolving system with significant adaptive capabilities. The family system develops according to its own laws and rules, has its own stages of development and is in constant interaction with the social environment.

The first stage is the life of an independent young man or girls, separate from their parents. It is very important for the formation of independent views on life, on the family, independent of parents. It is important to PASS this stage for the further development of the family system.

The second stage begins at the moment of meeting with the future marriage partner. Falling in love, romance, the emergence of the idea of a marriage union, that is, a long-term, stable relationship - all this applies to her. When this stage of the life cycle is successful, the partners manage to exchange expectations regarding the future life together, AGREE them, which will increase the likelihood of a successful development of the family system in the future.

The third stage is the conclusion of marriage, the union of lovers under one roof, the beginning of a joint household, a common life. This is the time of the first family crisis. Here it is important for young people to conclude an AGREEMENT on how to live together, what new family traditions they will develop in their family, how to distribute responsibilities, what will be the general order in their family space.

The fourth stage is the appearance of the first child. The second crisis arising at this stage is even more serious. A third family member appeared, the family structure changed. It is necessary to AGREE, to assign new roles - parents. If the baby did not bring alienation to marital relations, moreover, rallied the parents, this stage was successfully passed.

The fifth stage of the family life cycle is characterized by the appearance of a second child. It passes quite simply, since there is no need to conclude new treaty about how to live with children and who is responsible for what, as it was at the previous stage. Of course, there can be many more children than two, but the model of two children can show all the necessary patterns in the development of the family system.

The sixth stage is the children's school years. At this time, the family comes face to face with the rules and norms of the outside world, different from the rules inside. family life. Here questions are decided about what is considered success and what is failure, what price the family is willing to pay for external success and compliance with social norms and standards. For couples, this is a test time for their couple's CONSISTENCY.

The seventh stage of the family life cycle is associated with the period of puberty of children. It begins with the crisis of adolescence in the first child. The family at this time must solve the most important task: PREPARE the child for separation from the parental family. Usually, the period of puberty of the child coincides with the midlife crisis in the parents. This means that at a time when the child seeks to escape from family influence, wants to change his fate or at least the course of life, his parents really need to maintain the usual stability. This stage of the family life cycle is the most difficult for all family members, the most problematic. Here, all participants in the family system NEED to rebuild their external and internal boundaries, conclude a new contract between all members, learn to live in a changed composition.

Eighth stage. The children have grown up and live independent lives, the parents are left alone. This stage is often referred to as the empty nest stage. It is good if the family reached this stage of the life cycle without great losses and people enjoy spending time with each other, preserving the joy of mutual communication. The spouses are retiring and now they need to learn how to live together for whole days, free from the workload, FIND BUSINESS FOR YOUR liking, so that you do not need the constant attention of your spouse.

The ninth stage of the family life cycle. One of the spouses has died, a person lives his life alone, just as he lived in his youth, before he created his family, only now it an old man who has a life behind him. It depends on the person whether it will be the life of an old man in need of help or the life of a wise old man, surrounded by love and care of loved ones. At this moment, you need to find a business for yourself that will help you live through the loss, be in demand in your life.

Each family story is unique and unrepeatable. It should be noted that knowledge of family crises also makes it possible to better understand specific situations between all family members, for parents to realize that they are elders in this system. Parents are responsible for what the child does, as he is the product of their interaction. The child's misconduct is more of a need for adults to change their attitude to the situation, rather than scolding and blaming the child. Of course, we can say that parents themselves do not always know how to act in a given situation! And yet it is better to understand, learn, change, turn to professionals for help than to blame, scold, punish, so that these same “forceful” methods are not inherited by children. It is more important to leave happy stories, traditions and wisdom, which will help them calmly and confidently go their own way.

Ivanova Galina Evgenievna, psychologist,author of the group training program "Family - the space of love","Mom, dad - it's forever"

As part of a systems approach, the first detailed description The life cycle of the family appeared in the book by J. Haley "Unusual Psychotherapy". He noted the fact that during the transition from one stage to another, the family experiences natural developmental crises, similar to those that arise during the formation of a personality. During periods of transition, family members face new challenges that require a significant restructuring of their relationships.

Every new stage is associated with a change in all the basic parameters of the family structure. Many families successfully resolve this situation by rebuilding and adapting to new conditions. This process is usually accompanied by personal growth of family members. However, if the family fails to rebuild, then the solution of the problems of the next period of the family life cycle becomes more difficult, which, in turn, can aggravate the passage of the next crisis.

Table4. Relationship dynamics in the family

Stages and crisis periods of the family life cycle	Family Development Tasks
courtship period
	1.Formation of identity. 2. Differentiation from the parental family and the achievement of emotional and financial independence from parents. 3. Acquisition by a young person of an age-appropriate status.
Crisis 1. Assuming marital obligations	Adaptation of spouses to family life and to each other: 1. Establishing internal boundaries of the family and boundaries of communication with friends and relatives. 2. Resolution of the conflict between personal and family needs. 3. Establishing the optimal balance of proximity / remoteness. 4. Solving the problem of family hierarchy and areas of responsibility. 5. Achievement of sexual harmony (sexual adaptation). 6. Solving housing problems and acquiring your own property
Crisis 2. Spouses mastering parental roles and acceptance of the fact of the appearance of a new person in the family	Reorganization of the family to fulfill new tasks: 1. Caring for a small child. 2. Restructuring of the family structure in connection with the appearance of a child. 3. Adaptation to a long period of child care. 4. Encouraging the growth of the child and ensuring his safety and parental authority. 5. Aligning personal and family goals
Family of preschool child and elementary school student
Crisis 3. Inclusion of children in external social structures (kindergarten, school)	Reorganization of the family to fulfill new tasks: 1. Redistribution of responsibilities in the family in connection with the child's admission to a kindergarten or school. 2. The manifestation of participation in the presence of problems with the implementation of regime moments, discipline, study, etc. 3. The distribution of responsibilities to help the child in preparing homework
Teen family
Crisis 4. Acceptance of the fact that the child has entered adolescence.	Reorganization of the family to fulfill new tasks: 1. Redistribution of autonomy and control between parents and children. 2. Changing the type of parental behavior and roles. 3. Preparing for your teen to leave home
The phase in which grown children leave home
Crisis 5. A grown child leaves home	Reorganization of the family to fulfill new tasks: 1. Separation of the child from the family. 2. Proper care from home. 3. Admission to educational institution for military or other service
A family that has basically fulfilled its parental function (“empty nest”)
Crisis 6. Spouses again remain together	Reorganization of the family to meet new challenges: 1. Review of marital relationships. 2. Redistribution of duties and time. 3. Adapting to retirement

First family crisis. The first years of married life are an important and largely defining period of a family's existence. They can be used to judge the potential quality of a marriage and make predictions about the stability of a given family. Despite the bright emotional coloring and romanticism characteristic of a young marriage, this stage of family life is one of the most difficult, as evidenced by the large number of divorces that fall on it. The problems of this stage may be associated with the difficulties of family adaptation and the difficulty of accepting new roles; often they are a consequence of the inseparability of spouses from parental families.

When creating a family, the spouses are faced with the need to solve a number of important tasks, which lie primarily in the sphere of emotional relations. One of them is the strengthening of the emotional connection in a married couple and separation from the parental family without breaking emotional contacts with it. Spouses, on the one hand, must learn to belong to each other without losing closeness to the extended family, on the other hand, to be part of their own family without losing their individuality. A couple's ability to have close and independent relationships is often determined by the extent to which each of the spouses managed to become an independent person in the parental family. M. Bowen argues that those who failed to gain autonomy within the parental family are distinguished by emotional coldness or a tendency to merge with a partner (Bowen M., 2005). High level The merger of spouses is formed, as a rule, due to the strong suppression of the individual needs of one or both spouses, which causes fear of losing one's "I" and leads to increased tension in the couple. When the period of idealization of a partner passes, attempts to get out of the merger and defend one's "I" can become a source of high voltage and conflicts in a couple.

In addition to solving emotional problems associated with establishing an optimal psychological distance, young spouses also need to distribute family roles and responsibilities, resolve family hierarchy issues, develop acceptable forms of cooperation, share responsibilities, agree on a system of values, undergo sexual adaptation to each other. It is at this stage that partners look for answers to the questions: “Who is the head of the family?”, “What are acceptable ways to resolve the conflict?”, “What emotions are considered acceptable in the family?”, “Who is responsible for what and under what conditions? » Thus, during this crisis period, the spouses adapt to each other, looking for a type of family relationship that would satisfy both. The ability of spouses to resolve problems depends to a large extent on their ability to overcome their own selfishness and show altruistic love. Modern researchers note that although most marriages in our time are for love, this love is often selfish, i.e. the other is loved because he is needed, without him it is impossible to satisfy some vital needs, i.e. they most likely love themselves, and not the object of love (LB Schneider, 2000). According to I.F. Dementieva, selfish attitudes of young spouses (when their own desires and interests come first) are associated with certain features of raising children in modern conditions. Parental care has become excessive. Education does not aim to instill in the child labor skills, rather the opposite: there is an active search for " clean work», « higher education" for children; often falsely prestigious considerations of parents come to the fore: “Our child is no worse than others.” This leads to selfish attitudes of young people and the potential instability of their families (A.N. Elizarov, 1995).

Successful problem solving during this period contributes to the development of long-term stable forms of behavior that operate throughout the entire life cycle of the family and help to survive subsequent family crises.

Second family crisis. The second normative crisis is traditionally viewed as a transitional stage in the life cycle of the family, due to the fact of the birth of a child.

The birth of a new family member is an event that can lead to a number of difficulties. With the advent of a child, the spouses face the need to rebuild relationships again (the problems of hierarchy, intimacy, etc., which were stabilized at the previous stage, are actualized). There are new aspects of relations with relatives.

The fact of the birth of a child indicates the transition of dyadic relations in the family into triadic ones: a triangle of relations is formed, which includes parents and a child. The basic family triangle consists of father, mother and child. The formation of triangles and the involvement of the third in the relationship usually helps to reduce the tension in the original dyad. In the period after the birth of a child, the father is usually on the periphery of the triangle, and a symbiotic relationship is formed between mother and child. During this period, the father may feel excluded from the family, experience a feeling of jealousy, since the mother directs all her attention to the child. In response to the distancing of the spouse, the husband often has a feeling of “emotional hunger” (Whitaker K., Bamberri V., 1997) and the need to seek closeness with other family members, outside the family, or go into the sphere of professional achievements, further moving away from the family. A wife who expects her husband to provide emotional support and help with childcare and management household, not getting what she wants, she may begin to experience resentment and make claims against her husband. Thus, from the first days of life, the child acts as a regulator of the psychological distance between parents. Quite acute during this period is the problem of the lack of self-realization in the mother, whose activity is limited only by caring for the child and family. Women who are previously occupied with their own careers may experience feelings of dissatisfaction. The spouse's personal crisis can become an additional factor that destabilizes the family during this period.

At this time, the problems of the external boundaries of the family again become relevant. The birth of a child is a fact of the union of two families. New roles appear - grandparents; the intensity of contacts with parental families is changing. A marriage that was not recognized in the extended family, or was considered temporary, is often legalized with the birth of a child.

Third family crisis. At this stage, the family may experience a crisis associated with the inclusion of the child in external social structures (children's preschool and school). Parents experience for the first time the fact that the child belongs not only to them, but also to a wider social system, which can also influence him.

Inclusion of children in external social institutions can reveal existing family dysfunctions, since the nature and quality of children's adaptation to a new situation in their lives is determined by the characteristics of the existing intra-family relations. Psychological problems of children, therefore, can act as an indicator of the presence of intra-family problems.

The admission of a child to school requires flexibility from the family, expressed in the ability to accept the fact that the child has acquired a new social status and change its structural parameters. Due to the expansion of the sphere of social contacts of the child, changes occur in the external boundaries of the family. It is important for parents to organize adequate assistance to the student. In this regard, they are often forced to reconsider the distribution of responsibilities in the family.

The difficulties of experiencing this crisis can be complicated by the presence of disagreements or a split in the parental dyad. The couple can now try to solve problems through the child. It can be used as a scapegoat, a partner in a coalition of one spouse against another, a mediator in conflicts, and sometimes the only justification for marriage. In addition, if the spouses failed to agree and develop a common educational strategy for the child, then this can lead to a war in which each of the spouses seeks to win the child over to their side. The union of one of the parents with the child against the other, being one of the most common problems of the existence of the family, is especially acutely experienced in its transitional (crisis) periods.

The experience of the crisis under consideration can be influenced by the critical period of marital relations, which occurs approximately between the third and seventh years of marriage. It is associated with the disappearance of romantic feelings and moods, with the appearance of a feeling of fatigue from marriage and disappointment in a partner. The decrease in tolerance and tolerance of spouses towards each other in this period, compared with the first years of marriage, the expansion of the role range and the emergence of new areas of relations that require spouses to be able to negotiate, exacerbates the course of the third normative family crisis.

Fourth family crisis. This family crisis is connected with the need for the family to adapt to the fact that the child is growing up and reaching puberty. Adolescence is the period of secondary individuation of the child, which, according to Blos, includes two mutually intertwined processes: 1) separation or separation;

2) rejection of parents as the main objects of love and finding substitutes outside the family.

The complexity of the process of secondary individuation can be expressed in the ambivalent behavior of a teenager: he can seem either very adult, or a very small child. The inconsistency of the process of growing up, as a rule, is painfully experienced by the parents themselves and causes polar experiences associated with the desire to either control the child excessively or maintain his autonomy. This is a kind of test for them in the ability to trust the child.

For the child himself, adolescence is a very difficult period. The personality of a teenager is not yet formed. Any interference in his life causes anxiety and is perceived by him as a threat to his integrity. The body undergoes changes: a girl becomes a girl, a boy becomes a boy. As a rule, the nature of overcoming adolescent collisions by the parents themselves influences the characteristics of the family's experience of this crisis. From the standpoint of their own experience, they may seek to protect children from the "mistakes" they made at the same age. Some parents try to realize through their children what they themselves could not do or receive from their parents at one time. However, most often they tend to reproduce their own experience of child-parent relationships, interacting with the child in the same way as their parents did.

In any case, during this period, the family needs to work out an agreement about what the child can and cannot be responsible for, what are the duties of parents now. This process can be very painful, accompanied by conflicts, lack of understanding on both sides, unwillingness to reckon with each other's feelings, attempts by parents to increase control over the teenager and emotional detachment from his real difficulties, rejection of his new status.

family crisis- the state of the family system, characterized by a violation of homeostatic processes, leading to frustration of the usual ways of functioning of the family and the inability to cope with the new situation using old behaviors.

In a family crisis, two potential lines of further family development can be distinguished:

1. Destructive, leading to a violation of family relations and containing a danger to their existence.

2. Constructive, containing the potential for the family to move to a new level of functioning.

An analysis of the literature on the problem of crisis situations in the family allows us to identify several approaches to describing family crises.

The first is related to the study of the patterns of the family life cycle. In line with this approach, crises are considered as transitional moments between the stages of the life cycle. Such crises are called normative, or horizontal stressors (Eidemiller E.G., Yustitskis V.V., 2000). They arise when "stuck", obstacles or inadequate adaptation during the passage of any stage of the family life cycle.

So, for example, V. Satir identifies ten critical points in the development of the family.

The first crisis is conception, pregnancy and childbirth.

The second crisis is the beginning of the child's mastery of human speech.

The third crisis - the child establishes relations with the external environment (goes to kindergarten or school).

The fourth crisis - the child enters adolescence.

The fifth crisis - the child becomes an adult and leaves the house.

The sixth crisis - young people get married, and daughters-in-law and sons-in-law enter the family.

The seventh crisis is the onset of menopause in a woman's life.

The eighth crisis is the decrease in the sexual activity of men.

The ninth crisis - parents become grandparents.

Tenth crisis - one of the spouses dies.

The first critical period occurs between the 3rd and 7th year of married life and lasts, in a favorable case, for about 1 year. The following factors contribute to its emergence: the disappearance of romantic moods, active rejection of the contrast in the behavior of a partner during the period of falling in love and in everyday family life, an increase in the number of situations in which spouses find different views on things and cannot come to an agreement, an increase in the manifestations of negative emotions, an increase in tensions between partners due to frequent clashes. A crisis situation can also arise without the influence of any external factors that determine the household and economic situation of a married couple, without the intervention of parents, infidelity or some pathological personality traits in one of the spouses.

The second crisis period occurs approximately between the 17th and 25th year of marriage. This crisis is less deep than the first, it can last 1 year or several years. Its occurrence often coincides with the approach of the period of involution, with an increase in emotional instability, the appearance of fears, various somatic complaints, feelings of loneliness associated with the departure of children, with the growing emotional dependence of the wife, her worries about rapid aging, as well as possible sexual infidelity of her husband.

Crises in individual subsystems (for example, the above-described crises in marital relations) can influence the course of normative family crises, intensifying their manifestations.

A family in crisis cannot remain the same; she fails to function adequately in the changed situation, operating with familiar, stereotyped representations and using habitual models of behavior.

The following characteristics of a family crisis are distinguished:

1. Exacerbation of situational contradictions in the family.

2. Disorder of the whole system and all the processes occurring in it.

3. Growing instability in the family system.

4. Generalization of the crisis, that is, its influence extends to the entire range of family relationships and interactions.

At whatever level of family functioning a crisis arises (individual, micro-, macro- or mega-systemic), it will inevitably affect other levels, causing disturbances in their functioning. As a result, the following can be found manifestations of a family crisis:

1. The manifestation of a family crisis at the individual level:

feeling of discomfort, increased anxiety;

inefficiency of old ways of communication;

Decrease in the level of satisfaction with marriage;

a feeling of incomprehensibility, unspoken, hopelessness and futility of the efforts made to change the situation, that is, a feeling of limiting one's capabilities, inability to discover new directions for development in the situation;

displacement of the locus of control: a family member ceases to take a subjective position, it begins to seem to him that something is happening “with him” - that is, outside him, which means that changes should occur not with him, but with others. In this case, he sincerely begins to believe that it is a change in the attitude or behavior of another family member that will lead to an improvement in the situation (Shiyan O.A.);

Closeness to new experience and at the same time hope for a “wonderful return of the world”, not associated with one's own changes;

the emergence of overvalued ideas in some family members;

formation of symptomatic behavior.

2. Manifestation of a family crisis at the microsystem level:

Disturbances in the parameter of cohesion: a decrease or increase in the psychological distance between family members (extreme options - symbiotic merger and disunity);

deformation of the internal and external boundaries of the nuclear family, the extreme variants of which are their diffuseness (blurring) and rigidity (impenetrability);

Violation of the flexibility of the family system up to chaos or rigidity (the mechanism for maintaining and strengthening inflexible ways of responding - "incongruent adaptation" - is almost universal in crisis situations, but with prolonged use, the natural exchange of energy in the family is disrupted);

Changes in the role structure of the family system (appearance of dysfunctional roles, rigid, uneven distribution of roles, "failure" of the role, pathologization of roles);

violation of the hierarchy (struggle for power, inverted hierarchy);

the occurrence of family conflicts;

· growth negative emotions and critics;

violations of metacommunication;

An increase in the feeling of general dissatisfaction with family relations, the discovery of a divergence of views, the emergence of silent protest, quarrels and reproaches, a feeling of deceit among family members;

Regression or return to earlier models of functioning of the nuclear family;

· "Stuck" at any stage of family development and inability to solve the problems of the next stages;

inconsistency and inconsistency of the claims and expectations of family members;

Destruction of some well-established family values and the lack of formation of new ones;

the ineffectiveness of old family norms and rules in the absence of new ones;

lack of rules.

3. Manifestations of a family crisis at the macrosystem level: P actualization of the family myth;

Implementation of an archaic behavioral pattern that is inadequate to the current context of the existence of the family, but was effective in previous generations;

Violation of the internal and external boundaries of the extended family, the extreme variants of which are the diffuseness and rigidity (impenetrability) of the boundaries;

· violations of the hierarchy (eg, inverted hierarchy, intergenerational coalitions);

Violations of the role structure of the extended family (role inversions, "failure" of the role);

violation of traditions and rituals;

The inefficiency of old family norms and rules and the lack of formation of new ones.

4. Manifestation of a family crisis at the megasystem level:

social isolation of the family;

social maladaptation of the family;

conflicts with the social environment.

In a crisis situation, a blockage of the actual needs of family members can occur, which, in turn, can cause a symptom to appear in one of them - most often in a child. The latter becomes the carrier of a symptom that allows maintaining old, established relationships between family members. Symptomatic behavior appears as a result of stereotypical, "frozen" role interactions, reflecting some closed topics, the direct discussion of which would violate family rules. The carrier of the symptom is called an "identified patient".

Theorists of a systematic approach to family therapy are convinced that the symptom presented by the family is nothing more than a metaphor for the needs of the family system (Sherman R., Fredman N., 1997).

The following characteristics of symptomatic behavior can be distinguished (Borisovskaya O.B., 1998; Eidemiller E.G., Yustitskis V.V., 2000; Eidemiller E.G., Dobryakov I.V., Nikolskaya I.M., 2003):

1. relatively strong influence on other family members;

2. the symptom is involuntary and beyond the control of the identified patient;

3. the symptom is reinforced by the environment;

4. symptomatic behavior may be beneficial to other family members;

5. symptomatic behavior "serves" the avoidance of other psychological problems by family members, the actualization of which could be destructive for the family system. Thus, it performs the function of a family stabilizer.

An identified patient, or carrier of a symptom, can appear in a family both when trying to maintain homeostasis during the passage of any stage of the family life cycle, and when moving from one stage to another. When seeking psychological help, the family, as a rule, wants to get rid of the symptom, but at the same time does not want to change anything significantly. In this case, in place of one symptom, another, no less serious, may subsequently appear. For example, a spouse stops drinking, but at the same time a child becomes seriously ill.

To determine the characteristics of the family going through crisis periods, it is necessary to analyze and take into account family “normative filters”. By "normative filters" we mean a set of norms, rules, attitudes, role positions, ideas that are characteristic of a given family. Their distorting influence can be different. Ideal ideas can partially explain such facts in which even minor problems in family life are subjectively experienced by the family very hard. In other families, on the contrary, even in the presence of serious developmental crises, their members may not consider the situation as catastrophic, remain united, respond adequately to everything that happens and support each other. Typically, family members present the counselor with a "corrected" picture of family life that reflects their ideal ideas. Accordingly, the ability to family psychologist consider this picture, analyze and identify risk zones for this family.

A feature of this work is the use of a multi-level model of the psychological functioning of the family in the analysis of family crises with a focus on the microsystem level. This means that the analysis focuses not on the individual biopsychodynamics of family members, but on the reactions of the family as a whole organism. This task is not easy due to the complexity and sometimes the impossibility of taking into account the interaction of all components of the family system. However, our experience of working with families shows the expediency of using this approach when analyzing such a unique social microgroup as a family, which allows us to understand its unique and mysterious world and the laws of existence.

Currently, it is customary to distinguish five stages (phases) in the development of the family. At the same time, some researchers propose to “split up” (differentiate) some of the above stages and in their reading there are from 6 (Brown and Christensen) to 8 (Duvall) phases. In the future, we propose to use the following periodization of family life, as it reflects quite fully all the stages of family development, on the one hand, and on the other hand, it is quite compact and convenient for work.

Times of family crises:

1. Married couple without children (young family). From marriage to the birth of a child.

2. Birth of a child (children).

3. Care of children.

4. A family that has fulfilled its parental function.

5. Aging of family members (from retirement to the death of both spouses).

At each of these stages, the interpersonal relationship of spouses can go through five stages. At the same time, the four levels of compatibility of spouses at each of these stages have their own characteristics. But that's not all: the family cannot be considered outside of society, society, i.e. external influence. And you need to adapt to this influence.

Thus, the critical points of the family's passage from phase to phase in the life cycle of the family are family life crisis. To date, there are four crises in the development of the family (Shneider L.B., Druzhnini V.N., etc.), each of which, as a rule, marks the onset of a certain stage of life. At the same time, it is interesting to note that the marital relations of one couple serve as a cause for concern for representatives of three generations, i.e. the crises of this particular couple are superimposed by the crises of parental couples, and the age crises of children (and subsequently their families).

The first of the crises experienced by a young family - (1) first year crisis. During this period, there is an emotional, sexual and psychological adaptation of the spouses to each other (internal impact) and the establishment of relations with the family of the other spouse (external impact). This problem only exists in humans. The presence of relatives on the part of the husband / wife is what distinguishes the human race from the rest of the inhabitants of the animal kingdom]. Among other things, a young couple has to decide on its own: which traditions of parental families to preserve and which ones to create anew.

Adapting to each other is also complicated by the fact that many spouses expect a change in their partner's behavior.

The most characteristic conflicts of this period: role conflict, positional, sexual, financial, everyday and value. Role conflict at this time, it is associated with the need for young people to master the roles of wife / husband with the corresponding responsibilities in relation to each other, which is aggravated by the crisis of parental families caused by the departure of children from them (weakening, relegation to the background of mother-son / father-daughter relations and the establishment of new son-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship).

The key to successful adaptation of spouses both to each other and to new relatives is, first of all, that the spouses belong to the same circle (common social status and values), as well as the community of individual interests and values of the spouses themselves. However, the period of family life preceding the crisis under consideration is characterized mainly by the love of the spouses. The presence of falling in love does not allow young people to count on an objective assessment of both the situation as a whole and each other, which only exacerbates the subsequent crisis. This period also accounts for the majority of divorces (30% of their total number).

Many young couples believe that having children will help stabilize their relationship. And not having time to pass the first crisis period, they enter the second.

(2) Birth of a child is a serious test. A married couple turns into a family. From this moment on, the system, previously closed on itself, begins to exist objectively in the form of a triangle. Spouses have new responsibilities. Opportunities for professional growth (especially for mothers) and the realization of their interests are limited. Having children means sacrificing your personal life, and raising a child can leave a couple with little time or energy for themselves. Caring for a newborn is a round-the-clock work, in addition to delivering great joy, parental duties require responsibility. Fatigue and apathy are common in this stressful time. A wife's fatigue associated with caring for a child can lead to temporary disharmony in sexual relations.

The most common conflicts for this crisis are: sexual, emotional and household. It should also be noted separately such conflicts characteristic of the second crisis of the family as a clash over the upbringing of the child (children) and role conflict, which is often caused by the unwillingness of spouses to take on new roles of parents.

(3) Ten to fifteen years of marriage coincides with the average age of the spouses. This period is characterized by satiety of the spouses with each other. There is a lack of feelings. Gail Sheehy coined the phrase "mid-life crisis". The first feelings of loss of youth appear. The realization that soon there will be a fading of physical strength. There is a subconscious desire for something new. According to G. Shiikha, this is the age of adultery.

Moreover, children in the family at the same time begin a wonderful period of adolescence. The teenager begins to strive for independence, for the social world outside the family. Teenagers challenge their families with their behavior. There is a situation of separation and polarization of generations.

Typical conflicts of the described period: positional, sexual, emotional and value. Role Crisis this is manifested in the need to provide the child with independence. The child from the object of relations becomes the subject.

(4) After eighteen to twenty-four years of marriage one of the main functions of the family - educational - is fulfilled, the children leave the family. Around this time, many parents also have to deal with the incapacity or death of their own parents. Again, the problem of one generation will disturb the whole family. When grandparents die, parents become the older generation.

Among other things, parents have to re-evaluate their physical abilities and resources; marital relations themselves are also subject to reassessment. There is a fading of physical forces, changes social status(retirement), and as a consequence of this - the deterioration of the financial situation of the family. Retirement is often associated with deep, destructive feelings; a person suddenly loses the work of his whole life, feels his own innocence in the events of social life.

Retirement also affects marital relations - husband and wife now have to spend most of their time together. And while many couples welcome the opportunity to spend more time with each other, too much intimacy can create tension in the relationship.

Conflicts of this period: emotional and economic. Role conflict manifests itself in the need to master a new type of relationship with the spouses of their children, as well as taking on the role of grandparents (the older generation in the family).

V. Satir notes that as each member of the family team grows, the family must go through certain stages. All these stages are accompanied by a crisis and increased anxiety, therefore, they require a preparatory period and the subsequent redistribution of all forces.

The first crisis: conception, pregnancy and childbirth.

The second crisis: the beginning of the development of human speech by the child.

The third crisis: the child builds relationships with the external environment, most often this happens at school.

The fourth crisis: the child enters adolescence.

Fifth crisis: the child becomes an adult and leaves the house in search of independence and independence. This crisis is often felt by parents as a loss.

The sixth crisis: young people get married, and daughters-in-law and sons-in-law enter the family.

The seventh crisis: the onset of menopause in a woman's life.

Eighth crisis: decrease in sexual activity to men. This is not a physical problem, but a psychological one.

Ninth Crisis: Parents become grandparents. At this stage, many joys and problems await them.

The tenth crisis: the death of one of the spouses, and then the second.

When three or four of these crises occur at the same time, life becomes more tense and more disturbing than usual. V. Satir emphasizes that these are natural crises experienced by most people.

Conflict types:

1. Conflicts and quarrels that arise on the basis of unsatisfied needs for the value and significance of one's "I", violations of the sense of dignity on the part of the other partner, his dismissive, disrespectful attitude. Insults, insults, constant criticism. (In what follows, such conflicts will be referred to as positional).

2. Conflicts, quarrels, mental stress based on unsatisfied sexual needs of one or both spouses. They can have a different basis: the reduced sexuality of one of the spouses, the discrepancy between the cycles and rhythms of the emergence of sexual desire; illiteracy of spouses in matters of mental hygiene of married life; male impotence or female frigidity; various diseases spouses; severe chronic overwork of one of the spouses, etc. ( sexual conflict).

3. Mental stress and depression, conflicts and quarrels, having as their source the dissatisfaction of the needs of one or both spouses in positive emotions; lack of affection, tenderness, care, attention and understanding. Psychological alienation of spouses. ( Psychological or emotional conflict).

4. Conflicts, quarrels and quarrels on the basis of addiction of one of the spouses to alcohol, gambling and other hypertrophied needs, leading to uneconomical and inefficient, and sometimes useless spending of family money. ( Economic conflict).

5. Financial disagreements arising from the exaggerated needs of one of the spouses. Questions of the mutual budget, maintenance of the family, the contribution of each of the partners to the material support of the family. ( financial conflict).

6. Conflicts, quarrels and quarrels on the basis of meeting the needs of the spouses in food, clothing on the basis of home improvement, as well as expenses for the personal needs of each of the spouses. ( domestic conflict).

7. Conflicts based on the need for mutual assistance, mutual support, cooperation and cooperation related to the division of labor in the family, housekeeping, childcare. ( Household conflict).

8. Conflicts and quarrels on the basis of different needs and interests in recreation and leisure activities, various "hobbies" and hobbies. ( Conflict of interests or value conflict).

This classification of conflicts is supplemented by another large group of conflicts arising from the division of labor, disagreements in the system of mutual rights and obligations in the family ( role conflict). This group of conflicts is based on the theory of roles developed in modern social psychology. True, this group of conflicts can be combined with the above without much difficulty. Consequently, role conflict can be seen as a conflict of special specific need.

Thus, family life crises are an inevitable fact, often accompanied by family conflicts. Family crises coincide with important, significant, bright events taking place in the life of the family, regardless of whether it is positive or not. For a positive event that leads to external and internal changes in the family and its members, it is necessary to adapt. For the negative, it is important to find ways out of the crisis and the availability of support, the participation of each family member. Successful overcoming of a family crisis depends on: the level of development of each family member (psychological, intellectual, etc.), on the psychological readiness to overcome it, on the content and volume of participation in solving the elements of the crisis of all family members, on the interest of each family member in the painless passage of the crisis and readiness to help another in its passage, as well as how crises were overcome in parental families, parents (grandparents).