How to set the table for a wake for 40 days. What to cook for the wake? Kissel from dried apples

No matter how sad it may be, but sooner or later we are faced with the death of loved ones. And it would be good to know this tragic moment at the wake of 40 days, what is the procedure for holding it. Why is it important to commemorate forty?

If you don’t go deep into church details, you can simply say that forty days after death, the soul appears before the Almighty in order to “find out” where it will go to heaven or hell. And as a weighty argument in favor of the soul, how a person and his lifetime deeds are remembered by his relatives and friends.

Since the most important thing for the soul of the deceased is not a feast, but prayers, that is why on the fortieth day after the death of a person, a visit to church is mandatory. There, close relatives in the church ask with a note to pray for repose.

Important! In the church, they order a liturgy for the repose of only that person who was an Orthodox Christian, moreover, baptized.

On the fortieth, relatives, while in church, should pray for the forgiveness of all the sins of the deceased. In addition, they light candles for the dead. It is advisable to give alms when leaving the church.

Cemetery visit

Even on the fortieth day after the death of a loved one, it is imperative to visit the place of his burial. In the cemetery, it is customary to light a candle or lamp and pray. It is desirable that the closest people be at the cemetery on this day, so that there is no din and loud conversations. You should not take alcohol and snacks with you to remember the deceased.

memorial dinner

A memorial meal or commemoration for 40 days, the procedure for conducting some kind of particularly complicated one does not imply. The main thing is that everyone who wants to say goodbye to the deceased should be invited. Usually these are close relatives, friends, good acquaintances and colleagues of the deceased.

At one time, no one was invited to the commemoration, people themselves came to honor the memory and testify their respect to the relatives of the deceased. Then they laid several tables so that no one was left hungry. Now the time is a little different and it is not customary to come to the table without an invitation.

What is served on the table

A memorial dinner for the fortieth should not be luxurious. It is not customary to force the table with delicacies. Dishes should be simple, not fancy. In this case, the presence of hot dishes is a must. The Church does not welcome alcoholic beverages at the memorial dinner. However, these days, magpies rarely do without this. In this case, sparkling wines should be avoided. It is customary to serve vodka, cognac and red wine. But there should not be an excess of alcohol on the memorial table, so that the commemoration does not end with songs, and even more so, with dances.

Be sure to have kutya or eve on the table. This is a whole grain dish with raisins, honey and nuts. It is customary to serve borscht, cabbage soup, beetroot soup, chicken broth with noodles - the choice of dish depends on the area. On the memorial table there is usually porridge, meat and fish dishes. As well as various snacks.

Important! It is believed that the number of dishes on the memorial table on the fortieth day after death should be even.
Before you start the meal, be sure to read the prayer "Our Father". Then those present should remember the good deeds of the deceased. It talks about the positive role he played in someone's life. You can not gossip and remember things that are objectionable to God.

It’s good if there is a “leader” of the memorial dinner. This may be an invited stranger or one of the guests. Such a person is needed so that conversations do not go into an unnecessary direction, and also to dispel sadness a little at the right time. Since it is customary to make speeches at forty, first of all they are delivered by the next of kin, and then by everyone else.

There are also customs associated with table setting for a funeral dinner. For example, they do not serve forks and knives - everyone eats with spoons, leaving an empty plate with cutlery for the deceased. In addition, the table for such a meal is not covered with a “merry” tablecloth, that is, it should be plain.

Fortieth Day

Many are interested in the question: it is obligatory to hold a commemoration day to day for 40 days after death or later. It is not advisable to celebrate the fortieth earlier, since this is associated with the day when the soul will stand before the Judgment of God. Later, 40 days are celebrated if the commemoration falls on the Week, that is, the week preceding Easter or directly on Easter.

In this case, the commemoration is transferred to. Religious people who fast postpone the commemoration to Saturday, Sunday and the days when it is allowed to eat fish. In this case, there will be no meat dishes on the table.

And at the end:

• What can not be done until 40 days after the death of a relative is to cry, moan and in every way be killed for the deceased. It is believed that the soul will not find rest if it sees such suffering of relatives.
• On the fortieth, the deceased is necessarily commemorated. Of course, the meal is also important, but we must not forget about prayer. Moreover, within 40 days after death, relatives should pray for the deceased daily.
• When visiting a cemetery, food is not left at the grave for the deceased. Better to give it to those in need.

Everyone would like to not know for as long as possible what a commemoration of 40 days is and about the procedure for conducting them. But, unfortunately, no one is eternal. If you have any doubts about the correctness of your actions in a time of trouble, it is better to turn to the church for advice.

Wake theme I still don't want to let go. More recently, I wrote two articles about this - about the organization and holding of Godinas, and about Muslim funeral traditions. These materials were read by several of my acquaintances and started a discussion with me.

One of them is a lady v a respectable age - condemned me for what I write a lot about food and little about the spiritual component of memorial events (although I don’t think so myself). A few more people reproached for the omission: I did not say anything about commemoration during Lent . This accusation is indeed true.. And now it's time to correct the oversight. I was spurred on to this by another incident that happened at the wake my cousin aunt. They took place recently v recently passed Christmas fast , and were, to put it mildly, spoiled due to the shortsightedness of their organizers.

Features of the organization and design of the memorial tablev fast(what kindcanput dishes that are not allowed, how to behave at the table)

The fact is that my relatives on my father's side are not too religious and, in principle, do not bother about fasting. They don't seem to really know when those posts happen. And shortly before the New Year, the fortieths of our aunt happened - the mother of cousins ​​just on the paternal side. The first commemoration (at which I was also, of course) passed quietly and peacefully in a small cafe and with the participation of only the closest. And in this case, everything turned out less idyllic.

As I already noticed the case took place during post, and evenWednesday. A lot of people came, since Aunt Valya was a famous person v certain circles. She served for many years v conservatory - sang. AND on the the fortieth gathered, in addition to relatives, her former colleagues and even some fans. The table was laid traditionally for a funeral, but not for Lenten. This is what caused the misunderstanding. Many of my aunt's girlfriends and co-workers, as it turned out, became very religious and now sing v church choirs. At first, they just sat very dissatisfied, did not eat anything and looked at each other indignantly. But when relatives began to talk about the deceased "with vodka", a real scandal almost occurred. Ladies began to express dissatisfaction already v open. Then they got up, read and sang the 17th kathisma and left together. My relatives were embarrassed, and the commemoration was crumpled.

Then my brothers and their wives scolded the old women very much, who dared to protest so defiantly against what was happening. To be honest, I didn't argue with them. What for? They would be, irritated and offended, at that moment I still didn’t v than not convinced. But in fact, I do not agree with their position at the root. Indeed, when preparing such a complex and delicate ritual event, you need to think through everything properly. If commemorations are held in Lent and onbelievers are invited to them, and even more so church people, then both the table and the regulations should correspond to the situation. The fact that the organizers themselves are far from Orthodox traditions does not exempt them from the need to respect other people's beliefs and ethical feelings.

Psychologycommemorationhas always been closely associated with their religious significance

At first, they were escorted off to pay their respects to the departing v another world for the dead. Memorial events, which are customary to organize not only in Russia, but also in most other countries, have an ancient pagan origin. And the pagans have always attached a mystical and ritual significance to the joint meal. It was believed that at funeral feasts the dead eat and drink together with the living, which is why the feast has always been the center of any commemoration. In our time, their dead are commemorated partly simply by custom, and partly in order to gather at the table everyone who was close to the deceased. It is important for relatives that people say good words about him, regret his departure. For many, this relieves grief, helps to relieve the terrible emotional stress caused by death. Modern world religions say thatwhatit is necessary to commemorate the dead with prayer and alms, and not with food or (even more so!) Drink. It is important for the departed soul that the living repent from the Lord for all the voluntary or involuntary sins of the deceased. But not one of the religions imposes a direct ban on memorial tables, so this tradition continues to exist.

People remember their dead including in posts . At the same time, as life shows, to the organization commemoration in fast days, and even more so v period of long posts must be approached with particular care. If the family that arranges such meals is not religious, but v In memorial events, the participation of believers is supposed, then it will be just a good form to think about their feelings. Well, Christians should not forget about the requirements post . Otherwise modest commemoration you can not only not help the soul of the deceased (for which, in theory, everything is started), but also harm it.

MeaningP
osta vChristian culture very large. Fastis, first of all, abstinence, which we perform in the name of Jesus Christ. This is how we sacrifice our bodily pleasures v benefit of the spiritual life. Most people perceive this time v first of all, as the need for a temporary refusal of certain types of food and drink. V basically, from meat, dairy, fat, from all kinds of luxurious dishes. And of course, from alcohol. The list of undesirable products varies from person to person. For example, the sick, pregnant women, children and people who are associated with great physical exertion in life do not fast at all or limit themselves partially. However, in a post it is not enough just not to eat fast. John of Damascus once rightly remarked, what in that case, all cows would be holy. And one of my friends wisely said, what a post many perceive it only as “tasting the sacred potato” and at the same time they sin worse than unbelievers: they swear, take pride, condemn everyone around. Actually, in addition to physical abstinence, prayer and spiritual perfection are very important.

Christianpoststhere are:

One day is

• every Wednesday and Friday (days of betrayal and crucifixion of the Savior);
• Epiphany Christmas Eve;
• the day of the beheading of John the Baptist;
• feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross.

multi-day posts four:

Of course, the severity post may vary individually. The clergy themselves say that v faith, everyone should take on a feasible burden. Fanaticism and excess never lead to anything good.

Here I had v life case, opposite of what I described at the beginning. V I lived as a student on the grandmother's apartment. She was very pious, constantly went v church, read the Bible, prayers. And fasted, of course. And she tried to adhere to the monastic post - with a raw food diet and all other strict restrictions. At the same time, Baba Shura was a big lover of food, and after the end of the lenten period, she simply pounced on eggs and meat. It came to the hospital, as the senile body was shocked by such drastic changes. v nutrition. And then one day she went for a wake at about middle of some post (I think Petrova). The table there was modest, seductive, and grandmother could not resist. She ate so hungry what The case ended with an operation for the gallbladder. Which she safely cut out.

It's me that in everything there should be a measure. And memorial table during posts, even v Wednesday and Friday, it is not necessary to make it very meager. It is not forbidden to remember and v great post, only the 9th, 40th days and years from weekdays are better transferred toweekend. And if the day of the funeral came on the Wednesday or Friday then on the the table is served according to the rules of any vegetable food without any oil. But in our rather abundant food times can worthy to get out of this difficult situation.

Menuleancommemoration

can be surprisingly varied. Moreover, the main traditional dishes and v In this case, they remain the same, only they are prepared without the use of animal products.

1. Kutya. They say, what this dish has greek
   origin, and the word itself is translated as "boiled wheat." V Ancient Greece porridge ( v mostly barley) with fruit was dedicated to the deceased ancestors. A v Christian Byzantium, she began to be consecrated v temples. There she was calledkoliba, which corresponds to our other name for kutya -kolivo. There are other names of food: kanun, saty and juicy. It is made from boiled rice, wheat, barley. V honey water, raisins, sometimes poppy seeds and nuts are added to the porridge. The grains themselves - the basis of kutia - symbolize rebirth, immortality. Sweetness and various tasty additives v it is a sign of the goodness of eternal life on the Heaven. Such kutya is consecrated in the church, any memorial meal begins with it.
2. Pancakes and fritters cooked without eggs on the water. They are considered symbols of the sun, dying in the evening and resurrecting at dawn. They are eaten after kutya. On the a lean table is good to serve for this rosette with honey.
3. Taken at our wake first meal also very helpful in post . You can cook or order borsch with beans, noodles on vegetable broth, stew of cereals and potatoes. It is believed that the steam from the hot helps the soul to rise into the sky.
4. On the the second is served different cereals with vegetable oil or salads from beets, carrots, turnips, radishes, etc. Kashi, like kutya, are associated with the eternity of being. And from the gastronomic point of view, they diversify the table. Can cook porridge from buckwheat, pearl barley, the same rice, etc. The main thing - on the water.
5. In post often fish is also allowed. It is prepared for such commemoration fried, baked. They serve herring and salads with it (the same under a fur coat with lean mayonnaise), sprats and other canned food, fish pies. In Greek, the name of the fish isichthyos. After the advent of Christianity, the word immediately began to be perceived as an abbreviation in which the name of Jesus is encoded. But the fish itself v early period The development of religion was closely connected with the symbolism of the Savior. So on the At Christian tables, fish dishes began to be considered a sign of the Christian faith.
6. V funeral pies except fish stuffing
   , you can put rice, buckwheat, beans, sorrel with honey, potatoes, cabbage, carrots. There are a lot of lean fillings, and flour stuffing on the Russian funeral table has always been traditional.
7. In addition to these dishes, the table is set different vegetable salads and cuts, fried and salted (marinated) mushrooms, others pickles. and fruit: bananas, citrus fruits, apples. Just do not overdo it with pickles: fasting is not the time for gluttony.

V traditional drinks are served kvass, compote, kissel, honey water. For those who wish can stock up on mineral water, soda and purchased juices. Regarding alcoholic beverages, there are discrepancies. Some argue (and to some extent they are right) that on some fasting days when wine is allowed at the wake you can drink alcohol. However, the Church herself believes that it is not at all necessary to do this, so as not to turn everything v ordinary worldly feast. A particularly strict ban on the this is the thing the priests impose in Great Lent.

Behavioron thememorial events

v Fast days are almost the same as how you should behave v such cases in general. That is at the table cheerful conversations and generally loud conversation and communication are unacceptable on theextraneous topics. Clothing for those who came should be calm, preferably dark tones. Dressing up somehow in a special way is both a bad taste and a violation of customs.. It is advisable for women not to put noticeable makeup on their faces. It is better, of course, not to paint at all. And don't come to the wake of the uninvited.

It is considered important to order servicesvchurches.In particular, 40 liturgies. Very good to apply for this v different monasteries, as they have daily services. Many order the annual reading of the church Psalter. And of course, they put funeral candles and pray - and v temple and at home. And they give alms.Churched people in general in fasting are limited only to church commemoration, and civil feasts are considered completely superfluous.

I think it makes sense. After all, the main thing for the soul is prayer, the repentance of its sins. But still, there is something v general feast. Unless, of course, food and, most importantly, drinking do not become the main reason for the meeting for the audience. After a good, proper commemoration, there is a feeling that the soul is “let go”. And grief is alleviated. And came humility, understanding of the inevitable. Juston fast days you canmake the feast time shorter, avoid speeches that are too long, try not to make parting words look like toasts - how it happened on the memorial evening at my cousins. Try to combine the strict spirituality of faith and the canon and the sincere sincerity of people who loved the departed and therefore came here. This will probably be the closest thing to the ideal.

After the funeral, family members of the deceased usually gather close relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, friends of the deceased for a wake, to which they tried not to come without an invitation, because, due to the natural delicacy of the people, they took into account that the family could be constrained in funds due to sudden material expenses , as well as decisions of the family to gather only a narrow circle of people.
In some areas, it was not customary to invite people to commemoration, and anyone who knew the deceased closely through life and joint work could come to them. Such an arrival meant a show of respect for the deceased and his family. The clergy were formally invited to the commemoration, actually trying not to participate in them.
Arriving at the house from the cemetery, be sure to wash your hands, dry with a towel. They were also "cleansed" by touching the stove and bread with their hands, earlier they even specially heated a bathhouse and washed in it, changed clothes. There was a custom for those who kissed the deceased on the lips - they had to rub their lips on certain points of the stove (near the air vent). This custom among the Slavs is obviously associated with ideas about the purifying power of fire and is aimed at protecting oneself from the deceased.
During the time the deceased was taken to the cemetery and buried in the house, preparations for the meal were completed. They tried to clean the house before the deceased was lowered into the grave, although it was difficult to predict the timing. Furniture was arranged, floors were washed, all the garbage accumulated over three days was swept away in the direction from a large corner to the threshold, collected and burned. The floors had to be washed thoroughly, especially the corner, the handles, the threshold. After cleaning, the room was fumigated with the smoke of incense or juniper.

The memorial meal in the Orthodox tradition is interpreted as a continuation of worship by eating food, therefore, certain rules and traditions are followed in the funeral ritual.
A commemoration is a kind of Christian alms for those gathered, as interpreted in the Holy Scriptures. Funeral feasts also existed in ancient times when the pagans ate food on the graves of their dead tribesmen. This tradition entered the Christian rites, and the ancient Christian memorial meals were transformed in later times into modern commemorations.
Funeral dinners are arranged according to custom three times, which allegedly coincides with a threefold change in the body of the deceased (on the third day the image changes, on the ninth day the body disintegrates, on the fortieth day the heart decays). The triple commemoration also coincides with beliefs about the journey of the soul to the next world.
The deceased is also commemorated on other days (half a year, a year, a birthday, the day of the angel of the deceased). There are also so-called calendar commemorations associated with certain holidays, accompanying the household way of life of the peasants, and included in church rituals.

In an effort to bury the deceased according to folk rites and in accordance with church rules, relatives and friends of the deceased often formally follow the performance of ritual actions, without going into their meaning.
According to the church, the symbolism of the commemoration of the dead on the third day after death lies in the fact that the deceased was baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, believed in the Triune God - the Trinity Consubstantial and Indivisible. The living in their prayers implore the Holy Trinity to forgive the deceased for his sins committed by word, deed and thought, and to credit him with three virtues: faith, hope and love.
For the Orthodox, the unknown is also important, as regards the afterlife state of the soul. When Saint Macarius of Alexandria, as it is written in Holy Scripture, asked the Angel accompanying him in the desert to explain the meaning of the church commemoration on the third day, the Angel replied that for two days the soul, with the angels with it, was allowed to walk the earth, where she wants, so the loving soul wanders about the house where the body is, like a bird looking for a nest. A virtuous soul walks where it did the right thing. On the third day, in imitation of Christ, the soul ascends to heaven to worship God.

On the way to the throne of God, the soul passes the tests of the spirits in its earthly affairs. These trials are called "ordeals" and usually begin on the third day after death. The whole space (according to Christian mythology) represents several courts, where the incoming soul is convicted by demons of sins. Each judgment (ordeal) corresponds to a certain sin, evil spirits are called publicans. In total, twenty ordeals are indicated, corresponding to a certain group of sins, depending on the severity (for example, sin with a word, lies, condemnation and slander, gluttony, laziness, theft, love of money, avarice, covetousness, unrighteousness, envy, pride and vanity, rage and anger, murder, sorcery, fornication, adultery, sodomy, etc.), that is, the main human vices are listed.
On the 9th day, relatives pray for the deceased, so that his soul would be honored to be canonized as a saint and receive the reward of heavenly bliss.
St. Macarius of Alexandria, by revelation from an angel, says that after worshiping God on the third day, the soul is commanded to show the various abodes of the saints and the beauty of paradise. All this the soul watches for six days, admiring the beauty and forgetting its grief, which it had while in the body.
If she is guilty of sins, then she begins to grieve and reproach herself that she spent her life carelessly and did not serve God as she should. After considering paradise, the soul (on the ninth day of its separation from the body) ascends to worship God.
The number forty is significant, often found in Holy Scripture. According to the testimony of the same Saint Macarius, after the second worship, the Lord commands to show the soul hell with all its torments, and for thirty days the soul, led through the torments of hell, trembles so that such a fate is not prepared for it.
On the fortieth day, ordeals end, and the soul ascends for the third time to the worship of God, who executes judgment on her and determines the place in anticipation of the Last Judgment on her earthly deeds and by the grace of the prayers of the Church and loved ones during these forty days.
The Fortieth Day Judgment is a private judgment to determine the state of the soul, which, according to the teachings of the Orthodox Church, can change through the prayers of relatives and friends, their performance of alms and good deeds in memory of the deceased.
First of all, relatives, closest friends were gathered for funeral meals, and earlier also - necessarily the poor and the poor. Those who washed and dressed the deceased were especially invited. All relatives of the deceased after the meal were supposed to go to the bath to wash.
The fortieth day was considered the most important. It was believed that after the nights the soul goes far, far away, and therefore they hurried to do everything by this time. They ordered a memorial liturgy (a memorial service or forty-mouthed in the church), gave something for the commemoration of the soul and the church parable. For the funeral until the fortieth day, money was always paid.
The commemoration of the ninth, fortieth and other days of death usually consisted of a visit by the relatives of the deceased to the cemetery and a funeral home meal for those invited.

At present, commemorations are sometimes more reminiscent of pagan feasts, which were arranged by the ancient Slavs, who believed that the richer and more magnificent the farewell to the deceased, the better he would live in another world. A certain role in this is played by elements of vanity, prestige, the financial condition of the relatives of the deceased, as well as ignorance of the church charter in this matter.
Compliance with the norms in the Orthodox funeral meal requires that, before starting it, one of the relatives read the 17th kathisma from the Psalter in front of a lit icon lamp or candle. Immediately before eating, they read "Our Father ...".
It was customary to serve ritual dishes to the memorial table: eve (full), kutya (kolivo), pancakes, jelly. In addition to these obligatory dishes, cold fish snacks, herring, sprats, fish dishes, fish pies are usually served, which has a certain connection with Christian symbols.
In fast days, meat dishes were allowed: roast, meat stew, pies "kulebyak", borscht, porridge, noodles with poultry. Hot food was considered obligatory, because they believed that the soul of the deceased flies away with the steam.

At present, the menu of the memorial table also consists of a certain set of dishes, depending on which days the commemoration falls (lenten or fast).
As appetizers, salads of beets with garlic, radishes, cucumbers, tomatoes, cheese with tomatoes, fresh and sauerkraut; caviar from apples, vegetables (carrots, zucchini, eggplant), vinaigrette, vinaigrette with herring, etc. Hot dishes, in addition to those mentioned, serve cutlets, stewed lamb, poultry baked or fried in vegetable oil, duck with sauerkraut, fried eggplant, stuffed peppers, boiled potatoes, cabbage rolls stuffed with vegetables. From lean yeast dough they made pies with potatoes, berries, apples, dried fruits, dried apricots, mushrooms, cabbage, fish, cereals, rice, etc. Memorial pancakes were obligatory. Gingerbread, gingerbread, pancakes, sweets were placed on the table. Cakes and pastries were not recommended. From drinks - jelly from berries, lemon drink with honey, apple, rhubarb, kvass from crackers.
Tried to have it on the table even number dishes, their change was not practiced, but they adhered to a certain sequence of reception.
The old funeral dish, from which the funeral dinner began, was kanun (satiated), which used to be prepared from beans with sugar or made bread crumbled on water or unleavened cakes with honey, which were watered with sweet well-fed. In the old days, wheat or barley kutya was used. Later, funeral kutya (kolivo) was made from boiled rice doused with honey diluted in water, and sweet fruits (raisins). According to tradition, with kutya, and it was eaten by three spoons, a memorial dinner began.
Kutya is supposed to be pre-consecrated in the temple. It also has its own symbolism, in which grains serve as a sign of resurrection, and honey (raisins) marks the spiritual sweetness of the blessings of eternal life in the Kingdom of Heaven. In kutia, as it were, the ideas of the ancients about the immortality of the soul are enclosed.

Orthodox canons establish that there should be no alcohol on the memorial table, since the main thing in the commemoration is not food, but prayer, which is clearly incompatible with a state of intoxication, in which it is hardly permissible to ask the Lord to improve the afterlife of the deceased. not without reason folk proverb says "Drinking is the joy of the soul", but on such a day it is unlikely that fun will be festive.
V real life Rarely do any commemorations do without alcoholic beverages. These are mainly strong drinks (vodka, cognac), dry red wines. Sweet and sparkling alcoholic drinks are usually excluded. The presence of alcoholic beverages on the memorial table is partly due to the fact that they help relieve emotional stress, stress associated with the loss of loved ones.
The table talk is mainly devoted to the commemoration of the deceased, recollections with a kind word about his deeds on earth, and is also aimed at consoling relatives.

For believers, it also mattered what day the commemoration fell on: fast or fast, because the assortment of dishes changed accordingly according to the requirements of Lent. If the commemoration fell during Great Lent, then they were not performed on weekdays, but, as usual, were transferred to the next (forward) Saturday or Sunday. Also, memorial days that fell on Bright Week (the first week after Easter) and on Monday of the second Easter week are transferred to Radonitsa (Tuesday of the second week after Easter).
Before the start of the meal, food was sometimes fumigated with a censer with incense.
Food was served in everyday (not festive crystal or brightly painted china) dishes, if possible, calm colors.
They ate, as usual, with tablespoons or dessert spoons, and tried not to use knives and forks. In some cases, in the presence of silverware in the family, the relatives of the deceased used silver spoons, which also serves as evidence of giving silver magical cleansing properties.
At each change of dishes, the Orthodox tried to read a prayer.
The funeral table was often decorated with branches of spruce, lingonberries, myrtle, and a black mourning ribbon. The tablecloth was laid plain, not necessarily white color, more often in muted tones, which could be decorated with black ribbon along the edges.
The table setting was normal, except that in cutlery sharp objects (knife, fork) were not included, and spoons were placed with the back side up.
There is a tradition to put a device on the memorial table for the deceased (a knife and fork are placed parallel to an empty plate), they put a lit candle, often decorated at the base with a black ribbon, as well as a glass (a stack) of vodka, covered with a piece of black bread.
The tradition of leaving dishes and food on the table for the deceased, as well as curtaining mirrors, windows, TV screens, has nothing to do with Orthodoxy, its origins date back to paganism, but in real life it is widely used. This example, like many others, testifies to the fact that modern funeral rituals are syncretic, because includes various components folk culture, integral part which among the Slavic peoples is Orthodoxy.
The folk tradition also regulated the order of placing people at the memorial table. Usually at the head of the table sat the owner of the house, the head of the family, on both sides of which relatives were located in order of proximity of kinship by seniority. For children, as a rule, they allocated a separate place at the end of the table. In some cases, at the request of the close relatives of the deceased, they were planted next to (on both sides) with the father or mother, if one of the parents died. The place where the deceased usually sat was left unoccupied, the back of the chair was decorated with a mourning ribbon or a spruce branch.

There was also a special order of the memorial dinner, the main content of which was the commemoration of the deceased through eating food, interspersed by the Orthodox reading prayers, memories of good earthly deeds and personal qualities of the deceased. The first word was traditionally spoken by the head of the family, then the right to lead the feast was usually transferred to a special, respected person, whom the close relatives of the deceased asked to fulfill this duty of the “leading tomada”. According to tradition, close relatives tried not to say farewell words, but in the real situation of the memorial dinner, as a rule, they were also given the floor.
It was customary to pronounce memorial words while standing, and after the first one to honor the memory of the deceased with a minute of silence, also standing.
At in large numbers guests sat at the table in several shifts.
It was customary to break bread, pies with hands, and not cut. The remnants of the funeral dinner, and especially pastries, were always distributed to those present "to take away" so that they and their households could once again commemorate the deceased with a kind word at home, especially since not everyone could attend the commemoration for various reasons. The next day, crumbs of bread were carried to the grave, thereby, as it were, introducing the deceased to information about how the commemoration took place.
Kissel, tea, was usually the last memorial dish. Orthodox finished the meal thanksgiving prayer"Thank you, Thou, Christ our God..." and "It is worthy to eat...", as well as a wish of well-being and an expression of sympathy to the relatives of the deceased.

Thank you for the meal was not accepted. After eating, the spoon was usually placed on the table, not on the plate. By the way, it should be mentioned that according to custom, if during dinner a spoon fell under the table, then it was not recommended to pick it up.
Getting up from the table, they often bowed in the direction where the deceased’s device stood, referring to “him” with words like “eat, drink, it’s time to go home, and let the earth rest in peace for you,” after which, saying goodbye to the relatives of the deceased, went home. They sat at the table, as a rule, for a long time, which was considered a good omen, since many good things could be remembered about the deceased. In some places there was a sign, they say, whoever gets up from the memorial table first will die soon, so they tried not to leave the table first.
There was also a custom to leave the device with a glass of vodka covered with bread for up to forty days. They believed that if the liquid decreases, it means that the soul drinks. Also, vodka and snacks were left on the grave, although this has nothing to do with Orthodox rites.
After the guests left, the household, if they had time, usually washed themselves before sunset. It was possible not to remove anything from the table, but they tried to cover all the cutlery and the remaining food with something, except for those intended for the deceased. All doors and windows were tightly closed at night. At dusk, they tried not to cry, so as not to “call the deceased from the cemetery,” according to popular belief.
After the funeral of a loved one, many people, especially close relatives, observed mourning.
The deepest mourning - up to a year - was to be observed by the widow. Earlier at this time, she was only wearing mostly black clothes, jewelry was completely absent. Naturally, in the eyes of others, even thoughts of remarriage before the end of the period of mourning were considered indecent.

A widower man in most cases wore mourning for six months. Children had to observe mourning for the dead parents for a year, successively moving from black to lighter shades of clothing. This mourning for the deceased father or mother was divided by duration into deep - half a year, ordinary - three months and half-mourning - the remaining three months, when white and gray were mixed with black clothes. For grandparents, it was customary to wear semi-annual mourning, which was also conditionally equally divided into deep and semi-mourning. The same period of mourning was for the deceased sister and brother.
Mourning clothes were dark, black or of blue color, in which shades of red were completely excluded. Often not new. Currently, in the absence of suitable clothes, headgear in the wardrobe, they buy black dress(suit), head scarf. Previously, during mourning, they did not even try to take special care of their clothes, because, according to folk beliefs, careful care for her was a manifestation of disrespect for the memory of the deceased. Women during the period of mourning must cover their heads with a scarf.
There was a widespread custom during this period not to cut hair, not to make elegant puffy hairstyles, and in some cases even braid girls. In general, in Russia, external signs of mourning were supposed to be observed longer, as a rule, by women, and men could wear black, dark-colored clothes only on commemoration days, which was not condemned in the public mind even of village residents.
Signs of mourning in the house remained for a long time, depending on the way of life. In most cases - up to 40 days, and also - up to a year.
In the families of believers, mourning was marked by intense prayers, the reading of religious books, abstinence from food, and pastime. It was not accepted to participate in various entertainments, holidays, gambling.
If the wedding of one of the relatives fell during the period of mourning, then on the day of the wedding the mourning outfit was removed, but the next day they were put on again.
It was not customary to go to public and entertainment places during deep mourning, even the appearance in the theater was considered acceptable only after the mourning was completely lifted. Arbitrary reduction of mourning in a society with a certain way, observance folk traditions immediately catches the eye and can cause condemnation.
V modern conditions, as a rule, such a long time of mourning, as before, is not observed, especially in the city. All this is individual and in each case depends on a number of circumstances.
Wearing mourning, one should not show boundless grief, demonstrating it to others. Everything should be done with dignity, since the meaning of mourning lies not only in observing external decorum, signs of a person’s state of mind, but also in the fact that it is a time for a person to deepen into himself, a time to think about the meaning of life. In the end, from how we honor the memory of our loved ones, others may also honor our memory, for no one is eternal in this world.

Death is grief and pain for the loved ones of the deceased. A natural consolation is the desire to help, to facilitate the transition to other facets of life for the deceased. According to the Christian religion, the 40th day is considered the most important of all memorial days, because during this period the soul forever says goodbye to the earth and leaves it. Many organize a wake. What to say on this day and how to behave?

What is the meaning of the funeral ceremony

It is important to know that the essence of the funeral rite is to make the transition of the soul of a deceased person to another world painless, to help the soul stand before God, to feel peace and tranquility. And this is achieved through prayer. Everything that will be said about the deceased person on this day: kind words, prayers, good memories and speeches will help the soul withstand God's judgment. Therefore, it is so important to observe all the traditions associated with this day, and to know

The main thing on this day is to pray. You can do it yourself, or you can invite a priest.

Christian traditions for 40 days

The rite of remembrance has been known since the very beginning of the birth of Christianity. The purpose of the ceremony is to give the soul of the departed to another world peace and tranquility, to help to know the eternal kingdom of heaven.

To do this, friends of the deceased should also gather at the memorial table. When a commemoration is organized after death, what to say to those present? It is believed that what more people remembers the deceased in his prayers, the better it will be for the soul of the one for whom they pray. On this day, it is customary to remember moments from the life of the deceased, focusing on his virtues and good deeds.

Life does not stand still, if earlier the commemoration was held in the house of the deceased, now it can be done in a restaurant or cafe. The traditions of Orthodoxy oblige to receive more people on this day than on day 9, because the soul leaves the earth, and not only relatives, but also everyone who wants to do this, must say goodbye to a person.

40 days after death, commemoration: what to say in a cemetery?

Visiting the grave of a deceased person is an obligatory part of the funeral ritual. Bring flowers and a candle with you. It is customary to carry a pair of flowers in the cemetery, even numbers are a symbol of life and death. Laying flowers - the most The best way show respect to the deceased.

Arriving, you should light a candle and pray for peace of mind, then you can just stand, be silent, remembering the good moments from the life of the deceased person.

Noisy conversations and discussions are not arranged at the cemetery, everything should take place in an atmosphere of calm and tranquility.

Commemoration for the fortieth in the church

Church commemoration is the mention of the name of the deceased during prayer at the Liturgy for the salvation of the soul and the eternal good of the commemorated. The ceremony is held after the relatives of the deceased submit a note "On the repose." It is important to know that in this note only the names of those who were baptized in the Orthodox Church are given.

For the relatives of the deceased the best view donations will be a candle for the deceased. At the moment of installing the candle, you need to pray for the repose of the soul, asking the Lord to forgive the voluntary and involuntary sins of the deceased person.

According to the canons of Orthodoxy, commemoration (40 days after death) earlier due date do not carry out. If, nevertheless, by coincidence, it is necessary to carry out the ceremony on an earlier date, then on the following weekend after forty it is necessary to give alms. On the same day, hold a church commemoration.

Organization of the funeral table

The purpose of the memorial dinner is to remember the deceased person, pray for the repose of his soul, provide psychological support to those in need, thank people for their participation and help. You can’t arrange a dinner with the aim of impressing the guests with expensive and delicious dishes, boasting an abundance of dishes, or feeding you to satiety.

The main thing is not food, but uniting in grief and supporting those who are having a hard time. It is important to take into account the main rules of Christianity: restriction on the intake of alcoholic beverages, fasting and the presence of the simplest dishes on the table.

Do not take the wake as a feast. Large waste in this case is unjustified, it will be much more useful to direct financial investments to the field of charity.

If more than 40 days have passed since death, a commemoration can be held later if only the memorial table is moved. It is on the 40th day that you need to pray for the soul of the deceased.

Main dishes of the funeral table

When laying the table, it is advisable to give preference to lean dishes. At the head of the table should be porridge cooked from whole grains, with the addition of honey, nuts and raisins. The dish personifies the rebirth of the soul, symbolizes the blessings of eternal life.

The composition of the dishes mainly depends on the commemoration. Traditionally prepared: pancakes, pies, cereals, cabbage soup and kissel. Various snacks are acceptable: salads, vegetable or among the first courses: borscht, noodles in chicken broth, beetroot. Garnish - buckwheat porridge, pilaf or mashed potatoes. The church is against alcoholic beverages, in any case, their use should be limited.

If the commemoration coincided with the fast, then the meat should be exchanged for fish. Vinaigrette is perfect for salads. Let there be mushrooms, vegetables and fruits on the table. The main thing at the wake is to strengthen your strength in order to continue to tirelessly pray for the deceased.

How to prepare a memorial speech

Not a single commemoration is complete without a commemorative speech. Sometimes a presenter is invited specifically for this occasion, who will help to correctly arrange the order of speeches. If the presenter is absent, one of the close relatives should take over his role.

When a commemoration is arranged for 40 days after the death, the words spoken at the table should be distributed in accordance with a certain order of speakers. First, the closest relatives speak, then friends, and lastly acquaintances.

Don't rely too much on improvisation. This is a sad event, and people who have grief will listen to you. Brevity and accuracy are the main criteria for a memorial speech. Try to find time to practice at home, so you can decide where to keep silent and what to add.

Usually all the closest ones come to the wake (40 days after death). The speech delivered at the table should not consist of a biography of a deceased person, because there will be people who already know everything so well life stages dead man. It is very good to tell about some fact from life that will serve as proof of the virtues of the deceased.

When a commemoration is being prepared for 40 days after the death, verses dedicated to the mourning event can be more useful than ever. They will help you tune in to a lyrical-tragic mood, contributing to the creation of an atmosphere of commemoration.

You can supplement your speech with a photograph of the deceased or a thing that belonged to him, which will prove to those present about how a good man was deceased. Avoid mentioning the deceased's mistakes, gossip and secrets. There is no place for such speeches at the memorial table.

Sample speech

Many think when they organize a commemoration for 40 days after the death: "What to say?" ... There is no established version of such a speech. The most important thing is to speak from the heart. But still there are certain rules, using which you can prepare and speak correctly during the funeral ceremony.

You should start by greeting those present, followed by a story about who you are to the deceased. Say a few words about mourning and move on to the good side of the person being remembered. If possible, remember the good times experienced together. It would be very appropriate to involve other people in the memories so that your story is supplemented with good memories. The speech ends with a promise to always remember the one who is remembered.

Still, you can commemorate a deceased person whenever you want. The main thing is to observe the basic rules of the funeral rite: prayer, almsgiving and good memories of the deceased.

40 days after death - how to commemorate the deceased, what traditions are associated with this day ... People believe that this memorial day is important for the human soul, at this time the spirit of the deceased appears before the Lord for the third time and finds out where he will be until the Last Judgment .

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40 days after death - how the Orthodox commemorate

The death of a loved one is grief for relatives and friends. If you believe the Christian religion, then the 40th day is considered one of the most significant among the funeral (Orthodox tradition). However, not everyone knows how to behave on such a day.

It is important to realize that the living are able to help the dead to pass painlessly into another world, to cleanse themselves, to find peace and harmony. This is achieved.

You help the deceased close person endure God's judgment if on this day you speak kind words about him, remember his best deeds and pray. You can do this yourself or call a priest for a wake.

In Orthodoxy, family members, friends, acquaintances of the deceased gather at a meal. There is an opinion that the more people say a prayer on the 40th day, they will remember the deceased, the better it will be for the soul.

An important part of the funeral rite is. Be sure to bring flowers and candles with you. Remember, the pair number of flowers laid on the grave is taken. This is how you show respect to the deceased.

Arriving at the cemetery, be sure to light a candle and pray for the repose of the soul. Stand at the grave, remember all the good moments that you associate with this individual, it is forbidden to talk loudly, to discuss violently. A quiet atmosphere of peace and tranquility is needed.

You can remember in the temple. For this, a liturgy is ordered for the salvation of the soul. Important: you can order it for those who were baptized in Orthodox Church. Family members light candles for the deceased. At the moment when you set fire to it, be sure to pray for the repose of the soul and ask that the person be forgiven for all sins: free and unintentional.

In Orthodoxy, it is forbidden to hold a commemoration earlier than the appointed date. However, if it is impossible to perform the ceremony correctly for this period, then on the next Saturday after 40 days, give alms to the poor.

Remember, a commemoration is not a feast with sophisticated dishes, arranged to meet acquaintances. On such a day, one should remember the deceased, pray for him, say “thank you” for all the good that the person has done.

Cook necessary simple meals limit alcohol intake. It is believed that there should be more lenten dishes on the table. Be sure to cook kutya. This porridge with honey, nuts and raisins turns out to be a symbol of the rebirth of the soul. Often they make pancakes, cabbage soup, various cereals.

If the memorial day coincides with fasting, then pork, beef, lamb must be replaced with fish.

If you want to make a speech about the deceased, then remember that initially the word is given to children / brothers, sisters / parents, then close friends, acquaintances - last. The speech necessarily ends with a promise to remember the deceased person.

Where is the soul of the deceased up to 40 days

Believing Christians believe that the spirit of a deceased individual travels a long way up to 40 days. From the day of death until 3, she is next to her family, loved ones and dear people, moves anywhere.

Religious people are sure that from 3 to 40 period the human spirit visits Hell and Paradise. Throughout this period, it is still unknown where the soul will go. The spirit will have to go through ordeals, tortures, which turn out to be the embodiment of sinful passions, familiar to all people.

After that, the demons give a list of human misdeeds, the angels provide a list of good deeds. does not seem to be canonical and is not included in the main dogma of Orthodoxy.

According to the teachings of Christians, after the soul of the deceased has seen Hell and Paradise, it appears for the third time before the Almighty. It is at this moment that fate must be decided. Wherever the soul goes, it will stay until the Last Judgment.

Until this moment, she had already imagined the delights of Paradise, realized whether she really deserved or unworthy to stay there. I saw all the horrors of Hell and must fully repent and pray to God for indulgence. Therefore, Orthodox Christians treat the 40th day as a decisive moment.

To support the deceased relative, one should pray earnestly. This will help influence the verdict of the Almighty regarding the soul. If a person is sent to Hell, this does not mean that everything is lost for him. The final fate of mortals will be decided during the Last Judgment, and fervent prayer will help change the verdict of the Lord.

In such a situation, if the soul is sent to Paradise, then with fervent prayer, the relatives will thank the Almighty for the grace rendered. The number 40 is symbolic in Christianity. It is not surprising that the commemoration of the deceased takes place on the 40th day.

Exactly so many days mourned the forefather Jacob and the prophet Moses. After a 40-day fast on Mount Sinai, Moses received the tablets of the Covenant from the Almighty, during such a period the prophet Elijah reached Mount Horeb.

40 days after death - traditions of different religions

Wake on the 40th day is important in Orthodoxy.
Muslims a meal in memory of the deceased is held on the 40th day after death. In this religion, the formal side of the ritual is significant. Men and women who take part in the ceremony commemorate the deceased person not in the same room, but in different ones. In some cases, men take part in the ritual.

First, sweet tea is put on the table, after which pilaf. Many people believe that people should not talk to each other during a meal, they need to pray fervently. Crying in Islam for the dead is not customary. On this day it is necessary to humble grief. If you can't help it, do it as quietly as possible.

The commemoration itself takes place at a fast pace, after which everyone goes to the cemetery. In the period from 3 to 40 days, you can organize charitable meals for the disadvantaged, the poor, and distribute food to them.

At the same time, the relatives themselves are forbidden to eat a lot, to make sumptuous meals for those who commemorate. But every Thursday until the 40th day, remember the deceased, set the table, drink tea with halva prepared according to the recipe.

In Judaism people do not turn a meal into a feast. In the first week it is forbidden to set large tables. As a person is buried, all close mourners (who want to pay tribute to the deceased) are taken to a modest meal.

It includes eggs, beans, lentils, some bread. During the commemoration, it is not customary to eat meat, do not drink alcohol. Another feature is that the family of the deceased person does not prepare a large memorial meal.

A year after death, extensive and solemn farewells are already arranged for the deceased. Relatives and friends of the deceased are invited to this meal. At the wake, you can cover big table to tell good stories about a person's life.

40 days after death is really significant and special for the soul of the deceased. On this day, the soul will experience what place is prepared for it, and the task of family members and acquaintances in this world is to pray earnestly so that the deceased feels the support of loved ones in this difficult hour.

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