When a woman appears free time, she begins to think and analyze. Or just at some point notes that the relationship with her husband has strongly spoiled. And if she loves him, then ready to make efforts to save and improve them. But why did it all be that a husband belongs to it badly? Let's deal with the reasons and their original sources.

We issue the desired for valid

Try to remember how your relationship with my husband began. At that moment, when you fell in love with him, everything became unimportant or acquired a different meaning in your eyes. Maybe you even justified him in the eyes of relatives and close friends. "He is not a whining and greedy, but knows the price of money and knows how they dispose of!" Or "No, he just loves me so much that he does not endure my communication even with friends." And the final: "You just do not know him as I know him!"

If you at least once have to join in a similar way for it, then you just closed the eyes to its shortcomings. Now that the paddle sat down from your eyes, you realize that your relatives were right. In his imagination, you replaced the concepts and frustrated that your loved ones do not share your delusions.

Now you are faced with reality. And it is painful. It is unlikely that your husband has now changed. Changed your attitude towards him and his actions. So how to be in that case?

Well, options, as always, two: remain or leave. Stay with my husband if you are ready to accept its flaws. Maybe he himself is rude, banal compliments you will not raise from it. But he sincerely loves you, but he is just such a person.

Leave if his flaws are boxed. Sometimes it happens that in general a man is positive, but it is impossible to live with him. So it happens when parents insist on marriage. They usually say that "he is extinguished and wondering," just think of the head, and not by emotions. But when you are aware that you can not accept a man as it is, then life risks turn into a solid torment.

Conditions changed, relevant relationships

When young people marry, they are fine. They love each other, communicate, enjoy joint Life. But over time, conditions may change. For example, one of the spouses loses its work and have to move to parents, one of the pair is sick. And even those events that cause exclusively positive emotions can contribute to the deterioration of relationships. This can be attributed, for example, the birth of a child.

Relationships are spoiled due to accumulated fatigue, new anxiety and worries, stress. And it is difficult to find the time in such a whirlpool of events to find the time to just talk. Entertainment available earlier, now seem impossible, and targets are inaccessible.

The pair begins to quarrel on trifles more often, irritation appears. It is very difficult not to succumb to emotions and do not slam the door. But for the sake of conservation of relationships you have to restrain yourself.

If none of the spouses are ready for difficulties, jointly overcoming them, then such an alliance is doomed to failure. Therefore, remember that such difficulties are temporary. The work will be found, illness to cure or learn to live with them, and the children will grow up and will no longer take all the time and constantly demand attention. In such situations it is very important to learn how to find joy in the trifles and enjoy the simple and at first glance of banal trifles, for example, walking in the park in the evening.

None of us has changed

Joint life requires permanent work above oneself. It is a long, complex, and most importantly never stopping the process. There is a delusion that men marry with the conviction that "she will never change." And women, in turn, get married with the thought that "I will definitely change it."

But we are what. Some drawbacks and behaviors can be corrected, but it requires desire and effort. But some moments in behavior do not fix anything. The most banal example is the men who decades leave their dirty socks on the floor, and do not belong to the basket with a laundry laundry. And how many scandals are obstructed, how many quarrels are assorted, and the socks remain on their illegal place.

Therefore, it was necessary to think earlier. Now we have only what has. And it remains honest and sincerely decide for yourself: Are you ready to accept such a disadvantage? The aggravating circumstance for you - you knew about it before the wedding.

We constantly quarrel!

Quarrels arise in any respect. In some sense, it is even good. Such shakes encourage us to change and self-improvement. But when the quarrel becomes daily ritual, you need to change something.

Try to understand what pushes you to a quarrel. Is it exactly that, because of what you swear? Maybe the fact is that you are tired or at work problems, the head of the recess. And now you came home and stretch negative emotions at the first, in the way?

If your answer is yes, then you need to work on yourself. Learn to rebuild the authorities if the head is frankly wrong. If you are tired, then say: "Cute, I'm tired infinitely. Today was just a crazy day at work. Let me wash the dirty dishes, but just sway with you and look at the movie? " Such your words are much stronger to motivate your husband to help you with the housework than the next reproach, that he does nothing. Just compare: "Yes, how I'm tired of it! Every day the same thing! I'm already tired of this endless dirty dishes. Do you have any hands to help me? " Believe me, your husband also does not always please the authorities and get tired at work.

And if your answer is not, then please think if the subject of your quarrel of the conflict is? Maybe it is better to lower emotions and calmly talk? It is unlikely that your husband hates you so much that it is specifically littering or dirty dishes. Just the order you guide and spend time and strength at this time, and the mess appears by itself. Take care of yourself if you are tired, then you should not arrange general cleaning, it will wait.

Goose pig not comrade

Sometimes you can meet the pairs, which at first glance at all do not fit each other. People marry and create a family under the influence of passion, in love, unexpected pregnancy. But at these moments they are not guided by the mind.

If you are too different in education, education, temperament people, it will be difficult to get along, but perhaps. To do this, it is necessary to make colossal efforts. Let's imagine the situation and decide how to act the heroes.

Katya came their villages to the district center. Her goal is to gain peace in the city, get married to a man provided. She finds a job, getting acquainted with a person suitable for her whose name is Peter. At this point, she considers him as a sponsor, a benefactor, but not as a man with his character and his characteristics.

Katya is young and attractive, a call is laugh. Light on the rise. Of course, it attracts Peter's attention, they are tied relationships. Katya is not a fool, she understands that Peter is blinded by her beauty and does not notice or does not want to notice her low level of knowledge. She realizes that he does not match him. But nevertheless, she decided to experience fate and whatever she would be pregnant. Peter marries her, a charming babe of Vika is born soon.

How can she be better than hundreds of other girls in her husband's eyes? What do you think? We lower the fact that she is his child's mother, it is not the achievement that can be held man. At first she brings the houses clean and comfort, it knows how well. She cooks well, constantly wools the Internet in search of new and interesting recipes. That is, even sitting with a child at home, it grows as a housewife.

But Peter this is not enough. His wife should periodically appear with him in society. And then Katya understands that she has no prestigious education, no secular education. And Katya again uses the Internet. She finds lists of books that are required to read for the educated person, and necessarily reading them in order to be aware of the plot. It studies the founding of the etiquette.

She is watching TV, like most housewives. But it prefers to business channels. She not only closely monitors the speech of the leading and watching the news to understand that she discusses her husband.

That is, as you see, it stretches with all their forces to its level. But if she considers that it is enough that she gave birth to her husband to her husband, he will see how limited it is not striving for more.

Who is to blame?

The Russian man of centuries is looking for an answer to this question. Creates a feeling that it is laid in our DNA. In the deterioration of relations, both are always to blame for both, it's not worth the whole guilt to someone alone. Guided by emotions, and not reason when creating families both. They do not want to work on themselves too. But if you decide to improve your relationship, you need to start working on yourself. And the husband will follow your example. Although not immediately, but you will notice the positive effect.

Each person tries to create an ideal family relationship. The couple seeks to preserve love, well-being, harmony. The most important thing in the relationship of the husband and wife is understanding and cooperation. As a rule, the happy pairs that have no reasons for conflicts. To the enormous regret of such couples practically do not exist and they are quite rare. In most cases, the quarrel arises due to the slightest trifle, on trifles. And now you have already been made up, everything is forgotten, and after a few days everything is repeated again. What to do in order to avoid quarrels and not lose your favorite because of such trifles.

Even the strongest relationships can be spoiled for any reason, literally one word can be crossed out. If you know in advance about these reasons, you can prevent the situation in advance.

• Never humiliate your partner. You can easily destroy self-esteem with your favorite regular remarks and soldering. We should not do this, because the man who loves you, trusts you, very seriously treats your actions spoken by the word. If anyone else will insult your favorite, she will not worry so much about this, rather than tell her the same, then it is already quite another matter.
• Scandals for insignificant reasons. Permanent swearing in the slightest reasons may completely destroy normal communication. If your favorite person belongs to the scandalists, then nothing good will come out. Life will be filled with dishes and Passion Passion.
• Treason. One of the most popular reasons for which the gap is in relationships. Do not change your little man, and if you can't change anything, just immediately put the point, everything will open sooner or later.

It is best to change your attitude to my wife. If after that you still did not understand what reason, just take and talk seriously. Ask what is the matter why she became so sad. If you have not received a normal answer to your question, ask you to express all its claims. Try to listen to her calmly, without increasing the voice and not interrupting. As soon as she speaks, you yourself will understand what to do.

• Signs of attention. Absolutely any girl wants to get enough attention. Speak more often compliments, ask how the day went, like a mood, but do not overdo it.
• Support. In difficult moments, the support of his wife is needed like air. Try to help more often on the housework, prepare breakfast, wash the dishes, remove the apartment, do more by raising children, believe it will appreciate it! You can more interest my wife, and everything will work out. Most importantly, do not be lazy! I do not think that you are climbing in the apartment, or cook dinner will take a lot of time.
• Freedom. It is not necessary to abusely. Deciding to go walk with friends, come home at the time in which they promised to return.
• Attention to other women. Being with her beloved wife at a party, you should not have much attention to other women. The first thing that your spouse will think is that when it is not near you are also passionate about others, but not her.

How to improve relations between husband and wife

If the relationship is already spoiled, then the following rules will improve them. Following them, the relationship can be made practically perfect.

• Respect your favorite. This is the most important point to build perfect relationships. As you and your wife should show mutual understanding, belongs to each other with respect.
• So that love does not fade, show tender touches, gentle kisses, more often hug. All these actions are needed that love does not fade and live forever. Also this is a great way to prove your warm feelings.
• Everything that happens in the family should not go beyond its limits. All this family mystery. No one should know about quarrels, successes. First of all it concerns an intimate life!
• Respect your wife's parents. Never spoke negative about mother or father of spouse. This factor is very important and its non-compliance to negatively affect your relationship, and maybe health! 🙂
• Politeness. It is necessary to be grateful for any, even the smallest trifle. It should also reward all this with warm statements.
• You can always find time to spend it with your beloved. Try to follow this item more often, it will never be worse.
• Make gifts, but not very often. Even a little teddy bear or sweetness will show a warm attitude towards a loved one.

All listed tips will help you achieve ideal family relationships. To great regret, there are many who knows them, but the mistake is their non-compliance. As a result, the family begins to collapse. Follow the rules, and try to perform at least some of them them, and then you will be fine! 🙂

Hello, Olga Konstantinovna. Six years ago, I met my second husband. Before that was 1 marriage in which the son was born. So: My second husband at the time of our acquaintance was depressed from the fact that he left him with which he lived for 7 years, "collapsed" business, betrayed the "temporary" girlfriend. And then I turned up - a pretty, unloud, penetrating, burning desire to warm all the "siery and poor". Year I gave him the opportunity to do anything, drinking alcohol how much will fit, listening to his explanations that he says depression. He supported him and helped what he could. He did aware of me with a soft character, tranquility, the desire to please and generosity. Then he began to earn good in the network business, bought cars, a house, a lot of clothes. He continued. He himself decided and encoded. And here - "suffered the boots of Mitu." It was all annoying, and I especially. As a result, due to a trifle situation, when I showing a plumpiness (and I have a very difficult, daring character) did not leave with him from guests, he dirtily insulted me and, with a promise to divorce me, went for two months to another republic Earnings. For three weeks, I did not have calls from him, although I called our common friends and talked fun about my affairs. I was not interested. I tried to get through, but unsuccessfully. About how I suffered terribly remembered: I was constantly crying, my heart hurt so that the legs elapsed). Even now I am writing and rewinding me. And, as often happens, my boss, I regretted in my situation, I listened, Podked and fell in love with me (he is a divorced lonely man). As they say, "I loved her for flour." We began to meet. We must pay tribute to the boss, he behaved exclusively. I didn't even come about anything about any intima (I think, for more, because I led myself very restrained and a little, the beginners arise intimate situations immediately ended). I felt an incredibly beautiful, beloved, desired, pecked daughter. Speech quickly went about marriage. I agreed, but said that you need to wait for her husband. It lasted a little more than a month. When a husband arrived (no matter how it happened), I told him about everything. The husband was worried, said that he could not without me, talked to the boss, so that he left me alone. In short, I stayed with my husband. Settled on another job. For two months, my husband was enough. But for two years, the mockery attitude towards me continues. Relationships are so corrupted that I think there can be no continuation. We dropped with him to insults (I'm not lagging behind in obscene expressions), he drinks. Also, as before and vinit in all my failures, only me. He regretted that he stopped me then. But the first one does not want to divorce. Probably waiting for a decisive step about me. I understand that he is holding all the accurate property and he does not want to lose everything. He older than me for 13 years (he is 49 years old), start lazy everything again. And I catch myself thinking that I was just too lazy to sink the whole "from" with a divorce and section of the property, despite the fact that I feel unloved and in vain offended. A deadlock from which it is objectively unstable to go out, but it is difficult to decide. Tell me, please, how can I be ???

A family

How to establish relationships with her husband?

28.07.2015

Snezhana Ivanova

How to establish relationships with her husband if they were already spoiled? What needs to be done to be inside the marriage there are always harmony and limitless trust?

The psychology of family relations of his wife and husband is a separate industry of psychological science. This topic is quite relevant, as the family affects the family as a significant cell of society, and the individual as a whole. This article considers questions how to establish relationships with her husband if they have already been spoiled, and what needs to be done in order to be inside the marriage there are always harmony and unlimited confidence.

Bad relationships with her husband

Any misunderstandings in the family are characterized by an increased anxiety, the formation of offense on an ongoing basis. In the family, where the spouses ceased to understand each other, they suffer from all, including children. According to the following features, it is possible to determine that intra-day relationships gave a crack and need correction.

Accusations and insults

When the relationship with her husband lose their sincerity and integrity, then accusations often go to the move. In fact, such a manifestation of resentment is dictated, first of all, the desire to return the former warmth and trust. Few understand the fact that with the help of permanent accusations and expressions negative emotions little can be achieved. Of course, negative feelings should not be accumulated in itself (this is fraught with much more serious consequences), but also to crack each other. It should be calm and sort out the existing problem. The difficulty lies in the fact that the spouses cannot resist not to constantly express discontent towards each other. There is no speech about a deep understanding and desire to correct the situation.

Misunderstanding of the motives of the actions of the spouse

Most often, in the event of marital conflicts, misunderstanding is what is happening. Mutual resentment and claims are not allowed to fully understand the problem and accept correct solution. The closest people suddenly cease to understand each other, turn out to be enemies. The wife has the ability to manipulate children, and the husband demonstrates its coldness and independence. The whole problem takes place precisely because both spouses are not aware of the fullest motives of each other's actions, cease to control the pronounced words.

Permanent state of stress

People, being in a prejudice condition, compulsory experiences tremendous pressure. The condition of stress is aggravated by daily quarrels and scandals. Even if such emotional attacks are dictated by a natural desire to reconcile, come to general agreement, they do not pass unnoticed for the psyche. A person who has bad relations with a partner becomes secretive, suspicious, picky. Such a person is undermined by confidence in others, their own dissatisfaction and fear of re-testing all this in life. That is why women who survived the divorce do not hurry again to associate themselves with marriage. Negative experience teaches any exercise caution and prudence.

How to improve your husband's relationship

In the event that the marriage can still be saved, but in the interaction there are significant contradictions, the wife, most often, is thinking about how to preserve relations with her husband and not to lose themselves. What does it mean? A woman seeks to eliminate obstacles on the way to personal happiness and thinks about how to establish relationships with her husband. Perhaps it will be useful to her the following non-good tips.

Be ready to take your family

Most often, arise in the case when both partners cease to fulfill their obligations towards each other and children (if they are). Woman often takes on himself main role And seeks to lead emerging circumstances, and it is still waiting for a man to obey her. We must admit, there are such men who will be happy to give their responsibility to the spouse, but most are still not like that. Any man is incredibly humiliated when a woman is managed, he feels unnecessary.

To make relations with the spouse more trusted and sincere, sometimes it is enough just to begin to realize your real role ,. A woman often forgets that she is the keeper of a family hearth, which means that it depends on it, what will these relationships become. If the wife opposes the fact that the main position in the family should take her spouse, and worst everything on his fragile shoulders, then you should not be surprised that the understanding will not be able to achieve. Men quickly get used to the circumstances and habits in the house that the woman builds, and to change them, may be required for many years.

Provide the necessary support

Every man wants them to admire and believed in it. However, modern women are in no hurry to inspire their partners to new accomplishments and victories, and prefer to break stereotypes available in society. Often you can find an example of how the wife competes with her husband instead of just supporting it. This does not mean that a woman should limit its own development. Woman's wise woman never refuses self-realization and at the same time managed to be for the spouse of the faithful companion, assistant and the adviser.

It was when the wife supports her husband, and a strong loving family arises, which over the years is only strengthened. A decent man always values \u200b\u200bcare and patronage from the spouse.

Constantly work on oneself

To constantly stay an interesting husband, a woman should take care of its own development and outline for themselves an individual road. Someone will fully give themselves home and comfort comfort, family life. But most modern women prefer to be implemented in society, master an interesting profession, to find a way for themselves to spiritually enriched and build a career.

A woman sometimes, as well as a man, it is important to feel independent and free to incarnate their own ideas. It would be mistaken to believe that in addition to the well-being of children, a woman does not seek anything. This is not so. A woman needs to constantly work on themselves to stay an interesting man. Do not so important exactly what exactly she is going to do: design own apartment or the development of an individual case.

How to restore relationships with husband

We are talking about relations that for one or another were interrupted. Let's say if the spouses temporarily broke up, but still have the need to be next to each other. What steps need to take to save, reanimate the sense of trust and sincerity? On this score there are several recommendations, which will allow to get closer to try again to be together. These tips will use both spouses, although more focused on women.

Recognize your wrong

This is the first step from which to start the process of restoring interrupted relationships. It is necessary to analyze everything from the very beginning: how they began, which was the reason for the gap, what were the wrongs that you were. I would like to immediately warn women who want to return to the family of her husband, which should be left to leaving all sorts of attempts to seek the shortcomings of the second half. Learn to think about yourself first. Realize what is your error specifically. The family ship is both, so there is equally dependent on both participants what will happen.

For some women, the recognition of their mistake is tantamount to sign in their own weakness. Here it is necessary to cross through pride. After all, we are talking about your family happiness.

Stop blaming her husband

Many women do not understand what they themselves spoil their lives. You do not need to accuse a man in everything, even if in some moments he is frankly wrong and does not want to admit it. Reproaches and accusations will not help to establish relationships, it certainly. If you can't remember the former spouse in a positive way, you think that he brought you a lot of pain, then you should first understand yourself, to understand whether you need to return these relationships. In any case, over time, pain subsides, you will stop taking hatred and contempt towards him. All these hot feelings will replace cold indifference.

Start building a new position

As a rule, if the relationship has already been collapsed, it means that it is possible to conclude with complete confidence that the previous tactics of behavior turned out to be ineffective. It is necessary to revise your own line of behavior in conflict, to see the cause of the dysfunction and begin to act otherwise. If the feelings are still alive, it will definitely work and give the desired result.

The new position will help to overcome their own fears and defeat doubts that, most often, and prevent a full-fledged life in marriage. If you put yourself the goal to learn to understand the partner as itself, you can come to very significant results.

Not wait too soon

No changes can occur too quickly, it should be understood. Sometimes it is required to make considerable effort before something really changes. Just continue to do what they do and sooner or later, the selected tactic will bring their fruits. If the feelings between a man and a woman are alive, then reunion will definitely happen. Just do not need to constantly customize events, hurry. Trying to just start building a relationship with a clean sheet, as if there was still nothing, taking into account past experience and own mistakes.

Thus, there are several effective waysHow to establish relationships with your husband. Woman's wise woman will surely choose the necessary method to become happy.

Question psychologist

In September there will be 5 years as I am married.
We have a child (3 years).
We live in Moscow, go to your parents, but I'm going to my parents with my child, my husband goes to his. For a day or two, the husband can come to us.
I have rarely went to his parents, because They live in a deaf village, a toilet on the street, a room in the house one, has not been able to spend the night there with a child, there is no amenities. And cleanliness too.
In sexual terms, my husband and I moved away. Although, probably, I have extended more.
I have accumulated a lot of fatigue for a year, I work at home from 9 to 18 hours (work is very tense), while the child constantly hurt and was at home. Since April, I generally ceased to drive him into the garden, because Maximum he went there for 5 days a month.
I worked, washed, climbed, cooking, walked with a child and in the evening I had enough strength only to go to bed.
Now the May holidays + leave with my husband, we arrived at your parents. I'm to my husband to my own. I see that the father of her husband pulls him to him, if the husband is with us, he is offended.
In my presentation, the husband should be more with us, with his family, and he leaves there for all vacation and weekends.
And now there was such a situation that there was no intimate proximity for a long time, we spend our vacation, the husband does not ring, and if it calls, it is talking without intuziasm. If you come for a day or two, it practically does not speak, reads a book, all conversations end with disputes.
For these 5 years, we have never rested, we have a mortgage, it came out early from the decree, the child was with me almost all the time, the husband does not contribute a variety of life. My offer to go to the cafe is responsible that the homemade food is tastier, I need new dresses in his opinion, my shoes are full, etc.
In general, there is no joy in life.
I do not understand what to do. Is it a crisis for 5 years? Or the relationship was outlined?

Hello Julia! do not need to demand from her husband so that he chose or spend time with you or with his parents - he has parents and he has the only time when he can visit them - this is a vacation - you yourself refuse to ride with him - and this is just better not To do - thus, you yourself showed him that they are ready to spend time without him, that they are ready to ride separately on vacation - of course, it dismisses spouses. What is more important to you - household conditions or to be together with your husband? After all, it is not a problem to take a relay with you, an inflatable bed - the child is still to household conditions - it is important to you, but priorities need to be placed - talk to your husband, decide how to spend time, voice what you don't like that you spend your vacation separately friend From each other, but do not require him so that he stops riding to parents, but began to ride your. Start with what you will come to his parents with him and the child, there and equip a little life for yourself and the child. And then, go together to yours. Talk in general about relationships - ask everything suits him? he does not want to change anything? What awaits you? Let's rest your time - when my husband comes home, you can safely leave him with a child, and go to the hall yourself, take a walk with your friends, to the store, relax. Do not ask your husband about the campaign somewhere, put in front of the fact, start with the child just walking with my husband - in the park, in the museum, in the movies. Then, you can leave the child for the time of holidays with my parents, and for this time somewhere to go somewhere - if you save money, it will not be expensive. Relationships need to be built, and not wait yet or the husband will do something or until they themselves will simply develop for the flow! Show more initiatives, make life yourself! See, they will vote change !!!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, Psychologist Moscow

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