Why a person is not jealous. Psychology of man why jealous. Why do people jealous. Why a person is experiencing jealousy of psychologist's opinion, psychology

Francois de Larochefuky

Jealousy. What do we know about her? We know that this is a pretty strong feeling that many people may experience. At the same time, for someone it is negative, and someone considers it a completely natural feeling for any healthy person. Someone believes that Jealousy kills love, and someone on the contrary, sees the direct proof of love in this feeling - it is jealous, it means that he loves. Someone considers jealousy a sign of human's uncertainty in herself, and for someone it is the most common struggle for his happiness. I believe that jealousy does not have any definite color - negative or positive. This is really such a feeling that is inherent to all people, just at different people, it is manifested differently and not everyone can control it. I also believe that without jealousy, our life would not be so interesting, such an exciting, such alive and bright. Although, it should be recognized that without her and madness in our life would also be less. Still, jealous people can sometimes make incredible nonsense. In this article, friends, we will talk about what jealousy, how to cope with it and should be treated with jealous people.

So, the first thing let's figure it out with what jealousy is. The qualitative definition of this concept will allow us to move very far in his understanding. Jealousy is primarily a feeling. We will not hurry to call it destructive or what else. First we will understand what it represents. And any feeling is a natural process that has its impact on the behavior of a person, contrary to his will. If you look even deeper, then we can say that jealousy is one of the congenital reactions of a person on the outside world, which he does not control well. You probably know that feelings cause emotions, and emotions are difficult to control, especially if they are very strong. So, there is a feeling of jealousy in every person, you can not doubt it. All jealous, and adults, and children. Children are mainly jealous of parents. And adults are mainly jealous of their partners. So we have this feeling from birth. However, jealousy cannot be called a fully congenital sense, because some points in the behavior of jealous people are acquired. We may not just jealous, we can do this in different ways. That is, we can learn to express our feeling of jealousy in some reason. In some cases, it is expressed mainly through offense, in others through aggression, in third events through fear and so on. And in the same way, a person, depending on its development, can be very jealous or in moderation jealous and even almost at all jealous. It all depends on how his life takes shape. If a person has a good life, he achieves a lot, a lot has and thanks to her success feels quite confidently, the feeling of jealousy in it will be very weak and only in exceptional situations. And if he does not have enough attention, love, respect, sympathy from the surrounding and because of this, he is not confident, then he can be very jealous. So the ability to satisfy your needs at the expense and with the help of other people affects our feeling of jealousy in most directly.

Let's go further and see what is a feeling of jealousy. Here we can give him several definitions at once. Jealousy is uncertainty. Jealousy is fear. Jealousy is pride. Jealousy is egoism. Jealousy is envy. And you can also say, only very carefully, that jealousy is love. But we will immediately make a reservation that love in jealousy is expressed when the jealous of the man thinks about him, about his interests and happiness, and not just about himself. So jealousy can be sufficiently multipoint. More precisely, this feeling consists of different feelings and therefore can manifest in different ways. Let's consider all these components of jealousy in more detail.

The insecurity of a person in itself is a very frequent reason for jealousy. But let's think about what people are not sure when they are jealous, in what abilities? They are not sure that they can find a replacement for the person in which they need and whom are jealous if he leaves them. Here they are afraid of their future. They are also not confident in their competitiveness, so they are afraid that their attention, love, respect and other resources, their partner will give to someone else. In this case, they are afraid of their present. You can also add that in childhood they did not receive sufficient love, caress, attention and heat, so they feel unsatisfied - they may not be enough of the attention they receive from a partner. Here they are already afraid of repetitions of the past. So, as you can see, the insecure people are afraid of much, so they try to hold on to what they have.

At the same time, I want to notice that in the case of unsure, not fear plays a key role, and not the ability of these people to oppose this fear of a strong solution. Often they are afraid of what could be able to cope with, but their insecurity inhibits strong qualities in them and forces themselves to behave quite emotionally and chaotically. Because of this, their jealousy looks like a state of complete despair, when they behave, so to speak, capriously, trying to achieve something from other people. They themselves explain their jealousy with love for his dear person, which is not always true. Often insecure people are not so much like those who are jealous of how much the person is kept for this, as for the only one, in their opinion, the opportunity to be with someone. It is difficult to love such people, since the feeling of love is muffled with a feeling of fear. Such people often, what is called, suffering jealousy, that is, she is in chronic form. Their jealousy prevents them from objectively look at things. Sometimes they are even specially looking for the opportunity to be offended by a person to attract his attention in the form of pity. At the same time, I often noticed for such people one feature - they can easily abandon their partner for the sake of more, from their point of view, an interesting person. So, being a big jealous of the unsure of themselves, people often betray their partner, for the sake of someone conditionally the best. So the jealousy of these people is not the proof of their love for a person. But there are, of course, exceptions.

To successfully interact with such people, it is necessary to show them their dependence on them. This is an excellent way at the first stage to instill more confidence in them and make them less jealous. Well, then these people need to help consistently increase self-confidence at the expense of a competent strategy so that, on the one hand, they were not overly jealous and did not poison your life, but on the other, did not fall into another extremes and did not begin to mnate out of themselves whom.

As for the feeling of fear, here everything can be reduced to human needs, to meet the relevant resources. And people are also a resource and very valuable. People can give a lot to each other, both in material and spiritual sense. Therefore, when a person is afraid that he will not be able to satisfy certain needs with the help of another person - his partner, due to the fact that he can start or have already started a relationship on the side - he jealines him. For example, a wife can jealous of her husband to another woman, including because he because of this woman is able to deprive it of those resources in which she needs the same money. At the same time, it is possible that the man himself may not be very necessary and needed - she needs only those resources that she gets from him. This is as an option. Or a man may not be afraid not to satisfy his need for sex, due to the fact that his woman communicates with another man and therefore it can leave him. As a person, as a person - a man, a man may not be interested in general, but he needs her sexual partner. Here all these possible losses of resources and as a result, the inability to satisfy their needs with their help is to cause fear people who, in turn, acquires the form of jealousy. Of course, fear is closely related to uncertainty, but in contrast to it, it is based on a real, and not a fictional threat to lose the necessary resources necessary to meet the various needs. Such fear may arise from quite confident people, as anyone is afraid of losing something. Fear of loss is a very strong fear. Well, jealousy is just one of the forms of manifestation of this fear.

As for pride - another component of jealousy, which in some people can prevail over the rest of the components, this feeling is expressed in the disadvantaged jealous ego, who believes that someone else, and his no one can deceive, betray, throw, Protection to another. It's as you know, think that everyone around you loves as much as you love yourself. What is natural, not so. However, some individuals are very highly overestimated by self-esteem, so they are inflated from the fact that other people do not belong to them as well as themselves treat themselves. They do not like that others do not see gods in them. Such proud people very painfully perceive any refusals from other people and especially from their partners. They usually consider their partners with their own property, which can be disposed of how to do. They do not seek to create an equal relationship with other people - they want to own them. Jealousy covers these people usually when their partner declares their interests and desires, contrary to their will and desires. And this jealousy is expressed, as a rule, in a rather aggressive form. Proud people are not afraid of losing their partner, they are afraid to lose their faith in their own greatness. With such people it is better to be careful, for jealousy, based on pride, often pushes the jealous of the jealousness to sufficiently insane actions. From such people you need to leave suddenly and quickly, so as not to become a victim of their jealousy.

As for the egoism, it is best noticeable when the jealous of himself is not honestly honest with his partner, but from him, from a partner, waiting for devotion and loyalty. You know, there are people, both among men and among women who themselves do not mind to start a novel on the side, but they forbid it to do it. They only think about themselves and their desires and needs, and the needs and desires of other people are not interested. Their jealousy is a desire to limit others without limiting themselves. Such people behave like children - they want to take, but do not want to give anything in return. This often leads them to loneliness. Children, by the way, are also jealous of their parents because of egoism. The child can hate his brother or sister only because Mom and Dad pays his attention to him and take care of him. At the same time, this child can only be enough, but he will still be jealous. Such jealousy, I believe, is an indicator of the dependence of a person from other people, because of which he has a sense of greed. He is jealous not so much because it is afraid of losing something, as because he wants to have as much as possible. Among adults people are many such egoists who behave like children. They are jealous not because they lack something or that their partner, friend, gives a reason for jealousy. They are jealous because they just want more. For them there are only them and their interests, and desires. And the interests, desires, feelings, the needs of other people they are not able to understand. As for attitudes towards such people and their jealousy, I can recommend you only one thing - try to stay away from them. This is the best way to resist the jealousy of egoists. The best, in my opinion, punishment for the egoist is loneliness.

Speaking of envy, as about another component of jealousy, we can say the following: often jealous people believe that both those whom they are jealous and those whom they are jealous - they get more from life what they are. You know when a person is deprived or feels deprived, he hates those who seem to him get more from life. In fact, the envy is often a false feeling. A person can only seem that other people have a better life than him, whereas each person has their own problems, their difficulties, their tests. But for jealousy based on envy, all these arguments have no meaning. People are jealous, because they envy, and envy because they do not know how to appreciate and enjoy what they have. Such people need to just show - how beautiful their life is and if you need, then show also how it is terrible for those whom they envy. It is especially important to understand relations with a partner so that no one felt deprived. Jealousy often appears in those relationships in which people live with each other under such conditions under which one of them has more rights and freedom than the other. It causes insult, anger, envy of a deprived partner and these feelings begin to feed the feeling of jealousy, which often goes into a sense of hatred. Such life leads people to a dead end. To cope with such jealousy and do not envy anyone - you need to improve the quality of your life. You need to communicate with a large number of interesting people, constantly make new acquaintances, engage in favorite deeds, please yourself more often than you like. In other words, you need to receive pleasure from life, satisfying your needs and not think that another person is your partner or friend, live better than you.

As you can see, friends, such a feeling like egoism can combine several other feelings that can be considered negative or neutral, depending on how to see them. If you are jealous of someone, then you should understand what feelings and to what extent do your jealousy feed, to understand how you can take this sense under control. And it is necessary to do this not to become his victim. After all, sometimes jealousy can push a person to such violent actions as murder or suicide, which, as you understand, is absolute nonsense. And in order for this nonsense to avoid you to study your feelings - seek the reasons that they cause them and deal with them. And at the same time, the feelings of the people around you are desirable to explore especially close people. After all, if these people are jealous of someone, then in the future you can expect unpleasant surprises. Jealous people are often focused on their jealousy, thus contributing to the development of this feeling. And over time, it goes into a chronic form. Chronic tendency to jealousy is called jealousness. When this sensual illness amazes a person - jealousy becomes an end to him.

Despite the foregoing, I would not be if I did not say that there is benefits from jealousy. She, in a certain form, makes people more accurate to relationship, teaches them to appreciate what they have and helps them fight for their happiness. After all, what is the alternative to jealousy? "This is a complete indifference to other people, to a partner and excessive self-confidence, when a person doesn't care how his partner behaves, with whom he communicates, what he wants, and so on, because he knows that he can always find him a replacement. On the one hand, it looks pretty bolder, but on the other, with this approach to life, people do not at all appreciate and do not shove their relationships and are not trying to keep the partner, if they see that they lose it. They do not seek to understand and sometimes even forgive the expensive people, considering that they can easily find a replacement. And in the end, any relationship may be at risk if people completely stop jealous each other, which means they will not be afraid of losing each other. And no about anyone for forgiveness of each other speech will not be, in cases where someone from partners make a mistake. But we all make mistakes, a person is not perfect. But if we are not trying to keep a person dear to us with our jealousy, if we will not fight for a relationship with him, we will not try to forgive him when necessary, and instead will begin to change partners as gloves, then we will simply miss their happiness. So with such a look at the relationship between people - I see in jealousy a certain benefit. In the end, we needed us for some kind of nature by this difficult feeling, it means that we need it. Therefore, it is necessary to treat him with understanding.

However, in our society, it is customary to look at jealousy, mainly as a negative, destructive feeling. The jealies seem to us insecure in themselves, unreasonably suspicious and often unnecessarily aggressive people, with extremely unpleasant and even sometimes dangerous behavior. Of course, such an expression of jealousy does not paint a person. But I do not hurry to join the opinion of the majority and see only a negative in jealousy, I do not hurry to offer people to deal with this feeling of all available ways. Too much, I know the stories when jealous people clung so hard for the partner, trying to keep it with all the might that they managed to preserve the relationship, which later did them happy. So speaking of jealousy - it is important to take into account not only the negative sides of this feeling and related bad stories, but also those cases when people thanks to him gained their happiness. This will help us better understand and take jealousy, both someone else's and our own. But jealousy should be healthy and reasonable. And so that it was such, it must be controlled. To do this, it is important to understand that it causes it.

It is also impossible to forget that some people their behavior give a reason for jealousy. They play on the feelings of the people who are not indifferent to them and do it specifically to thus fill their price and increase their self-esteem. Sometimes it is like a mockery of in love, which suffers because of the manipulations of the beloved person. And with such a feeling as love to play dangerous, because from love to hatred, as you know, one step. So all these games in jealousy are not so simple, as it seems and are fraught with serious consequences for all their participants. People have feelings that need to be understood and respect if we want to support good relationships with them and do not want to have serious problems with them because of their jealousy. Therefore, even if a person is jealous because of his insecurity and seeks to plant his love in the "Golden Cell", or behaves quite persistently and aggressively, expressing his jealousy in an extremely unattractive form, then it is necessary to help him cope with his feelings, and not try to play on them. Do not joke with jealousy - it is unpredictable and dangerous in its worst form.

For some people, jealousy is evidence of very strong love. It is very important for them to make sure that their partner is not indifferent to them, so they want him at least a little jealous. To do this, they arrange a different kind of provocation to force a partner to jealous, and these provocations are often very successful. Nevertheless, I want to warn such people that jealousy can generate a seed of distrust, which over time can grow up to incredible sizes. Jealousy is not the best proof of love. Caring for a person, sacrificing something for him - here is real proof. And jealousy, as can be seen from the above - has many faces that can talk about different causes of this feeling. Therefore, it is better not to undermine the confidence in your dear person with your provocations for his jealousy. It can harm you in the long run. After all, the relationship without trust is always tension, nervousness, fear, uncertainty and resentment. In addition, jealousy is able to reduce a person crazy, and he can do nonsense. You know yourself how people are capable of entering jealousy, which can begin with innocent suspicion and paint into a huge problem. Therefore, I repeat what said above - do not joke and do not play with jealousy, then you will not suffer from it.

Thus, dear friends, we see that jealousy - this, of course, in most cases the feeling is unpleasant and ugly, sometimes even dangerous, as for the one who is jealous and for the one who is jealous and even to Who is jealous. But sometimes this feeling can be very relevant. In particular, it proves that people are not indifferent to each other and allow them to hold on their relationship. It also needs to be understood that any jealousy always has a reason or objective or subjective to be found and explored if you have any problems with this feeling. Jealousy is not dangerous when you control it. But to gain this control - you need to know about the causes of your or someone else's jealousy.

21.07.2015

The fundamental question and answer it is not so simple. Everyone knows what jealousy is. At first, a person knows this feeling towards his mother when she pays more attention to his brother or another, someone else's child. Then jealousy burns for the first time. Then there is a series of love (kindergarten, school, institute). In the free swimming of adult life, a person leaves the experimental experience of past defeats. Men and women are jealous of the same reasons who are only three: insecurity, a sense of property and a sense of love.

Diffidence

In the world, of course, there are confident people, and they are not necessarily stupid. Maybe so that they rarely lost in life - the psychology of the winners. But now we are not talking about them. The rest of the human mass is experiencing total uncertainty in everything: in a partner, in her husband, zyat, swat, in the brand of cars. In other words, examples of such each person may come up with a one-piece million.

People all the time doubt that if they chose a man to live, and maybe the past was much better, but under the influence of some factors they pushed him out. And than the past more, the stronger the torment. And people are starring past lovers, and they wander in the maze of questions without answers. And why? Because a person himself does not know what he wants.

We can easily answer the question of what we definitely do not want, but with our specific desires much harder. We either like our life or not. Or we love a person near, or not. But the main problem is that if a person in principle is not sure of anything, then who would not settle with him next - the feeling of "something not that" will never pass.

Feeling property

There are owners people. They believe that the whole world should belong to them, and therefore all past, future their partners are also their property. In such a way to part with someone is terribly difficult, and the point here is not exactly the fact that they love a person, but in the fact that they consider themselves the best, and the gap with them is madness. It must be said that the feeling of property in relation to man is the most difficult to overcome, and the pathological owners are part-time and the pathological revisions.

Pathological jealousy is a terrible phenomenon and creepy, so you need to look carefully not only for the appearance of a person when you meet with him, but also try to look there, where devils and demons are usually hidden. From the owners of both sexes you have to run, not looking around. The problem is only that they are not always possible to recognize immediately, they, as a rule, are well mastered and pretend to be "dulls" until time.

Love (former or real)

Women and men are usually jealous of those whom they love. Jealousy may not necessarily be pathological, sometimes people are jealous quite decently. If a person is jealous of his current partner, then this is normal or whom he would like to see in this role. But if a person is jealous of ex-love, while he himself is with someone in relationships is a bad sign.

Dissatisfaction with your life

It is important to understand that if a person is jealous or envies, then this, first of all, indicates his personal, internal problems. A self-sufficient self-satisfied person will not spend nervous forces on meaningless negative emotions that do not give anything, but they take a lot. True, there are few happy people, therefore the problem of envy and jealousy (phenomenon of one order) is ubiquitous. People always seem to be sweeter, and the wife is more beautiful.

"Jealous - it means loves," many people say. Indeed, just so jealous may not arise. Perhaps there is no person who would never have experienced this sense of destructive in nature in his life. Where can I search for the origins of jealousy? Why are people jealous? How to get rid of this destructive feeling?

The roots of many adult human problems should be sought in his childhood. Jealousy is no exception. Overcome as childhood, the complex may cause unhealthy jealousy in conscious age. Another Zigmund Freud in his exercises indicated Oedipus complex as a certain set of experiences consisting of a subconscious attraction of a boy to mother and his jealousy to his father. There is a similar complex and girls. Only here it is determined up to the opposite. At a certain age, the child won the victory over his entrepreneurs. And in those people who failed to subconsciously overcome this, in those who could not accept the loss, unhealthy jealousy began to develop to their partner.

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Another reason why people are jealous, lies in fear to stay alone. A person cannot cope with fear and often his total control and distrust pounds a partner into a cage. Often a person believes that if he won't control his partner, there is a high probability of losing him! But this is not at all, but rather, even on the contrary! If a woman can sacrifice his freedom, then the man is not. For him, total control is an invalid invasion of his personal space.

However, there is in jealousy and its advantages. For example, thanks to this feeling, a person can succeed. It is the fear of losing a close person drives his partner, and he tries to be better to achieve more and more goals to fit the object of zealous love.

Often, the owners people are also unsure of their personality. Complexes and doubts about themselves is the fear that will overcome not so simple! Jealousy is based on uncertainty and aggression and feeds on their weaknesses. It is because of the internal complexes and fears in a person that unhealthy jealousy may develop, such that goes beyond all the limits. People just need to get rid of the unhealthy feeling of jealousy. After all, it can destroy absolutely everything.

How to overcome jealousy? It is very important here to realize that partners are not a property of each other that the second half must have a clearly designated field of personal freedom. You also need to learn to trust the partner, because among thousands of other people he chose his own man, insanely important in this situation learn more or less objectively to evaluate himself and his partner and if necessary, then work on improving its confidence. Overcome your jealousy is a big victory, a tremendous personal success! If a person is unable to realize his unhealthy feeling of jealousy, if he does not understand that the permissible borders moved and he needs to get rid of jealousy, such a person is better to contact a specialist, he will help him help him!

Feeling of jealousy: armed and very dangerous

Someone cleverly said that jealousy always "walks along with suspicion, hatred and anger, and each of the Trinity is armed with a dagger, they should be repeated. Which, however, it is no one for anyone. "

Let's talk about such a terrible phenomenon as jealousy that corps and destroys relationships.

Jealousy - quiet killer relationship

Why is quiet if many so loudly yell in the attack of jealousy? Because it is still a common misconception, which is jealous - it means loves. Yeah, how hits - it means loves ...

The myth that "jealous the one who loves."

Jealousy is not related to love at all. The love of love is a conscious preference for loyalty and responsibility for its choice of a partner. Otherwise, why be together?

Permanent flashes of jealousy only interfere with love and turn relationships into a series of suffering and distrust.

Loyalty vs jealousy - and you on whose side?

Want to understand what to do with jealousy? Then let's deal with loyalty. After all, the jealies are exactly necessary.

Faith, confidence, trust, loyalty - words close in meaning.

The loyalty as the quality of a person is formed in adolescence, when we actively let themselves and the world around, learn to be friends. And later - love.

How to cope with jealousy?

Initially, we learn to believe themselves and in yourself. The stronger this feeling is manifested, the higher the level of confidence in their forces. Only after we learn this, we are able to trust others.

The jealousy is the lack of loyalty. Jealousy is loyalty to the contrary.

Loyalty means you are responsible for your choice before yourself initially.

Where does jealousy come from?

Jealousy appears when a person:

• does not believe in yourself;
• does not know how to trust anyone;
• it is not able to make it so that his words and cases coincide;
• does not be friends;
• does not have the principles that correspond to;
• does not know what responsibility for yourself, your words, choice, actions.

Love and jealousy Different paths

What we did not see the reasons in the list that jealousy? Love!

Jealousy does not result from love. The basis of jealousy is the fear of losing what you love.

Remember, this pathological feeling grows out of insecurity, its relations with a partner. Whether a friend, a child - anyone.

Also on the hand of jealousy, women play doubts that the partner loves you. What if he would prefer another, which will be better than you? After all, you doubt that it is worthy.

Believe in yourself - defend from a feeling of jealousy

Jealousy is a consequence of a proprietary attitude towards its partner. She arises when you absorbs the desire to have a monopoly on the personal life of the chief, interfere in all of his affairs.

Understand, jealousy is an external manifestation of what you have no such quality as loyalty. Do you know why? And because everyone judges.

In a situation with jealousy, his potential infidelity often does not even realize. But he has problems faithfully and confesses to the world. And he broadcasts them outside through uncertainty in others.

The jealousness just does not know how to believe. Because he has no experience of faith and confidence in himself first.

Faceless jealousy. Case from practice

I have a friend. How much I remember him, he always changed his wife with different beauties-nyashai. He referred to the fact that the wife "not his ideal appearance."

And so, he fell in love with one of the passions. Yes, so that even gone from his wife.

His girl was very bright, sexy brunette, which everyone noticed. She adored her man. But literally a month later, he turned their life into hell with wild jealous hysteries.

The girl was repeatedly roared in consultations, through tears telling that he loves him and did not even notice others.

Outcome? He brought her to hatred, and she went to another.

Human jealousy is capable of multiplying

But the most unpleasant thing is different. A person with a worker and lack of loyalty attracts a partner like himself.

Remember, if you did not have a lack of faith at the subconscious level, then incorrect partners would simply not fall into your field of view.

You can argue that if one day it did not hurt, then "would not blow on the water."

But not all around everyone. This is not a universal problem, but only those who“ sharpened” on treason at the subconscious level. With psychology will not argue.

"Exile" in treason, or jealousygives bad advice

Whether it is a female or men's jealousy - in each case it is a mutual collusion. Like a pair of "sacrifice-sadist".

Whatever the faithful partner does not come across the jealousness, he will still be notified by the chief of jealousy and distrust. What, among other things, ultimately can provoke treason. Like, "What, in vain on my head I get regularly?".

Caution, pathological jealousy!

By the way, it is very important to distinguish pathological jealousy. It is not only a frequent reason for appeals to psychologists and psychiatrists, but also adds work to law enforcement agencies.

We will not forget that it is jealousy that is the most common motive murder in families.

So call the jealousy "harmless form of manifestation of love" is definitely impossible.

Pathological jealousy is one of the problems that the philosophers, poets and doctors describe in centuries. The latter even distinguish it into a separate disease.

Signs of jealousy as a direction to the doctor

Pathological jealousy is not a specific symptom of a certain disease.On the contrary, it is found almost with any mental disorder.

Pathology of personality, neurosis, depression, alcohol and drug abuse, schizophrenia, organic pathology (less often) - in all of these diagnoses you can meet mention of abnormal jealousy.

For this reason, it is important to send a client to a consultation to a psychiatrist at the slightest suspicion of the incomprehensible mechanism of jealousy. It is incomprehensible.

Your husband or boyfriend shows an excessive aggressiveness at the slightest hint of a man in your surroundings? Then I recommend to think about the mental chief chief and its security.

Grow flowers on the soil of jealousy

Jealousy is a practically normal feeling under certain conditions. We are talking about the manifestation of proprietary instincts.

In the same time full absence of jealousy under the same conditionscan talk about the presence of emotional pathology. For example, emotional rigidity, which is also devastating for the relationship.

Provocation - the worst incarnation of jealousy

Another dangerous aspect of jealousy is a provocation - an artificial calling of jealousy. Women often resort to this weapon in an attempt to warm relationships and attention to themselves.

Sometimes jealousy is able to make a spark in the relationship that fade. But not when a person applies it constantly as a tool, pressure.

Provocating a partner in jealousy, you unconsciously or deliberately impact its self-esteem and encourage competitiveness.

He is trained with the "rival" in achievements "Who will receive the main prize - the love of a woman?".

You, as a provocateur, you have your own proud on the laurels and reflect on how else to cause jealousy. And to your feet men make all sorts of gifts: attention, love, colorful emotions, presents, etc.

Do you love a man or his jealousy?

At the heart of your provocations, albeit unconscious, lies deprivation by attention and love in distant childhood.And now you are trying to compensate for such a dishonest way, you are confronted by foreheads in the battle for our person.

That is, self-affirmation by provoking.

But listen, deliberately cause jealousy of the partner - an invalid reception, if we are talking about trust, love relationships.

Look, there is such a scheme. You provoke your man to jealousy. He is underway. You first chase the same goal - to get attention and love.

Only one in this situation rises in the "pose" of the sadist, and the other is a masochist.

What position do you like more? I - no.

Girl, you feed with jealousy

Men also often "fogging" with their women poison of jealousy in the form of provocations "and we have such a new secretary pretty, young."

So subconsciously "get" points in the eyes of the elect.

How do not need to react to provocations?

Wasting your reactions in such a situation will be:

• "Surely, a fool and a prostitute, like all the secretaries";
• "And you, like a male, already overwhelmed ears?!";
• "I will see next to her, I upgracing her all her paths extensive";
• "And I brought me our new manager on a cool car."

It should not be offended and demonstratively not to talk to a man.

Such reactions only depreciate you. They show that your ego is worn, visible.

As a result, the manipulator receives the emotions to which they expected, and continues to "waiver" you further.

Neutralizing manipulation

One of the optimal reaction methods is not to give a manipulator of the expected reaction, not to reinforce its manipulative behavior. And even better - to turn his manipulation in its favor.

Alternatively, you can ask my husband questions that will encourage him to directly declare about their needs, and not indirectly.

You can also neutralize the manipulation of humor.

Why a woman provoke to jealousy

By the way, with similar behavior of the chosen, look at myself. Maybe you launched your man? For a long time I did not make him compliments, I did not thank, did not admire his knight, that he provokes you to "love"?

Or maybe launched yourself.And the jealousy is your man trying to provoke you to care for yourself?

Or provoking jealousy - the norm in your relationship? Then what are you doing there?

Attempt of jealousy: pain or joy

Look, one of my client is so "provocated" with his wife, which went to her girlfriend. It was this woman that he constantly led as an example as a sample of well-groomed and excellent taste.

The wife braveled that he should love her such as she is, and thank for his son.

So far, once in the literal sense, the word did not stepmate with a friend when he returned home ahead of time. The family broke up. And the girlfriends have long walked each other to the entire city.

But it should be noted that the former wife flourished - whether it was called her husband, or thanks to the exit "at the bride fair."

Is it really impossible to make such a move before when it was relevant to her husband?

How to deal with jealousy?

• Take love, not her murder

Do it all to strengthen your relationship, not destruction.

Instead of playing Pinketon, become interesting to him. And first of all become interesting.

Remember, constant espionage for his man, you provoke on false. He "just in case" will hide everything from you. Difference only removes.

• Improve yourself and strengthen your relationship

Stop being emotional "begging" and contribute to your relationship itself.

Show your concerns and trust partner, make compliments, thanks.

Look, loyalty to the spouses is not derived surveillance, suspicion and distrust. This is the result of strong, reliable relationships that satisfy both.

• Enhance your self-esteem

Well, tell me, why do you go out if you are not valuable for yourself?

Work on your shortcomings, believe in dignity.

And then you realize that "such a cow is needed by himself," and you are important for your man. And if not, why is he you?

• Work with your fears

Ask yourself honestly.What are you afraid when poison yourself with jealousy? To lose it? Stay one?

Maybe however, is he incorrect partner and it's time to let go? Why hold on for him, they say, "if not yourself," and take the potential place of a worthy partner?

• Stop comparing

This is the question of your self-esteem. And why show the man he herself that someone is better than you?

It makes sense to compare only with myself - whether you are better than yourself.

• Discover with partner

Live your life, find yourself, hobby.

Often the reason for jealousy becomes the zincion of one of the partners in the life of another.

It happens that this is due to the lack of their interests and personal life. And this partner does not remain anything but to live the life of another.

This applies not only to jealousy, but also to excessive control by parents (usually, mothers) for children.

Understand that your control, your anxiety, your infinite interventions in someone's life will not be happier neither you nor the object of intervention.

• Be frank and trust your man

Throw all these spy games and hidden doubts. If something is worried about, ask your partner directly.

Just do not need to do it in the form of a scandal. Calmly.

I do not say that there is no one else)

But often it happens that we begin to suspect your partner not because it did not meet our trust. And only because of what fear themselves and insecurity.

Jealousy in this case does not relieve anything in reality, but stems only from our personal feelings. And insults the partner.

• Learn to forgive truly

Sorry sincerely, if you changed in the past, but you decided to go further.

Sometimes it happens, because the man succumbed to the temptation, but continues to love you. In other cases, this is a consequence of minute weakness, the mistakes for which it can be forgiven.

Treason did not kill love in you, did you both realize the "contribution" of each in it and see the value of your relationship? Then find in yourself the strength and love forgive him and yourself that "not watched." And go on.

When to overcome jealousy - not your option

Of course, this situation is possible that jealousy is not bothering, your partner fell in love with another or it systematically changes.

Then better ask yourself an honest question: what are you counting on?What are you doing here?

Maybe it is worth collecting your dignity and self-esteem in a fist and finally break out of? Instead of poisoning itself with poison of jealousy.

The world will save love! Love to you and Prudence.
Yaroslav Samoilov

With jealousy, we often experience pain and this pain testifies to:

1. What does this mean? This means that for the jealous of his partner has become so important that any "television" makes feel anxious and fear that he will throw or betray.

2. Usually, people who are jealous within themselves do not appreciate and consider themselves insignificant. Therefore, they have a belief that they will not be able to keep a partner and they will not be able to influence the partner in some other way, except for control. And jealousy is always control, to whom a partner called, where and who was.

3. Violation of the Balance of Giving-Take.This is when someone someone does not give something and partners are silent about it, and wait when their desires and feelings will be guess. When there is no agreement between the partners. When partners give each other's fact that they do not want to receive (for example, negative, resentment and reproaches, complaints).

4. When one partner in connection with some situation lost confidence and authority.

Tips how to stop jealous.

First:start talking with a partner and it does not matter who jealousy: you or he (she). Talk about everything. Be open. Because openness is a discussion of everything and creating a depth of relationships. From here to appear and attention to the partner. And the closeness is a lie, this is the constraint of your desires and needs because of what the misunderstanding and jealousy for each other arise.

Second: Start increasing your self-esteem and does not matter jealous of you or you someone. Do it with a specialist.

Online chat with a psychologist - Psychological assistance for free

Third: Learn to communicate with your partner. Learn to ask about your and his (her) needs. This inspires respect and your partner will feel valuable next to you. But to learn to communicate? It is certainly not for books, but with a specialist and in practice, books give the theory, but the theory does not mean without awareness and practice, without instruction.