How to refuse to be a godmother. Is it possible to refuse to be a godmother or godmother? Who can be godparents. What carries the sacrament of baptism

Godparents: Who Can Become a Godparent? What do godmothers and godfathers need to know? How many godchildren can you have? Answers in the article!

Briefly:

• The godfather, or godfather, must be Orthodox Christian. A godfather cannot be a Catholic, a Muslim, or a very good atheist, because main duty godfather - to help the child grow up in the Orthodox faith.
• The godfather must be church man, ready to regularly take the godson to the temple and monitor his Christian upbringing.
• After the baptism is done, godfather cannot be changed, but if the godfather has changed a lot for the worse, the godson and his family should pray for him.
• Pregnant and unmarried women CAN to be godparents for both boys and girls - do not listen to superstitious fears!
• Godparents cannot be the father and mother of the child, as well as a husband and wife cannot be godparents for one child. other relatives - grandmothers, aunts and even older brothers and sisters can be godparents.

Many of us were baptized as infants and no longer remember what happened. And then one day we are invited to become a godmother or godfather, or maybe even happier - our own child is born. Then we think again about what the Sacrament of Baptism is, whether we can become godparents for someone and how we can choose godparents for our child.

Replies Prot. Maxim Kozlov to questions about the duties of godparents from the Tatyana's Day website.

— I was invited to become a godfather. What will I have to do?

— Being a godfather is both an honor and a responsibility.

The godmother and father, participating in the Sacrament, take responsibility for the little member of the Church, so they must be Orthodox people. Of course, a godfather should become a person who also has some experience in church life and will help parents raise a baby in faith, piety and purity.

During the performance of the Sacrament over the baby, the godfather (of the same gender as the child) will hold him in his arms, pronounce on his behalf the Creed and vows of renunciation of Satan and union with Christ. Read more about the procedure for performing Baptism.

The main thing in which the godfather can and should help and in which he undertakes is not only to be present at Baptism, but also then to help those received from the font grow, strengthen in church life, and in no case limit your Christianity to the fact of Baptism alone. According to the teachings of the Church, for how we have taken care of the fulfillment of these duties, we will be asked the same on the day of the last judgment, as well as for the upbringing of our own children. Therefore, of course, the responsibility is very, very big.

- And what to give to the godson?

- Of course, you can give your godson a cross and a chain, no matter what they are made of; the main thing is that the cross should be of the traditional form adopted in Orthodox Church.

In the old days, there was a traditional church gift for christening - this is a silver spoon, which was called a "gift for a tooth", it was the first spoon that was used when feeding a child, when he started eating from a spoon.

How do I choose godparents for my child?

- Firstly, the godparents must be baptized, churched Orthodox Christians.

The main thing is that the criterion for your choice of a godfather or godmother should be whether this person can subsequently help you in a good, Christian upbringing received from the font, and not only in practical circumstances. And, of course, the degree of our acquaintance and simply the friendliness of our relationship should be an important criterion. Think about whether the godparents you choose will be the child's church educators or not.

Is it possible for a person to have only one godparent?

- Yes it is possible. It is only important that the godparent be of the same gender as the godson.

- If one of the godparents cannot be present at the Sacrament of Baptism, is it possible to perform the ceremony without him, but write him down as a godparent?

- Until 1917, there was a practice of absentee godfathers, but it was applied only to members of the imperial family, when they, as a sign of royal or grand ducal mercy, agreed to be considered godparents of one or another baby. If it's a similar situation, do it, and if not, it's probably best to go with common practice.

- Who can't be a godfather?

- Of course, non-Christians - atheists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and so on, cannot be godparents, no matter how close friends of the child's parents and no matter how pleasant people they are in communication.

An exceptional situation - if there are no close people close to Orthodoxy, and you are sure of the good morals of a non-Orthodox Christian - then the practice of our Church allows one of the godparents to be a representative of another Christian confession: Catholic or Protestant.

According to the wise tradition of the Russian Orthodox Church, a husband and wife cannot be godparents of the same child. Therefore, it is worth considering if you and the person with whom you want to start a family are invited to become sponsors.

- And which of the relatives can be a godfather?

— An aunt or an uncle, a grandmother or a grandfather can become the godparents of their little relatives. It should only be remembered that a husband and wife cannot be godparents of one child. However, it is worth thinking about this: our close relatives will still take care of the child, help us raise him. In this case, do we not deprive the little person of love and care, because he could have one or two adult Orthodox friends to whom he could turn throughout his life. This is especially important at a time when the child is looking for authority outside the family. The godfather at this time, in no way opposing himself to his parents, could become the person whom the teenager trusts, from whom he asks for advice even about what he does not dare to tell his relatives.

Is it possible to refuse godparents? Or to baptize a child for the purpose of a normal upbringing in the faith?

- In any case, a child cannot be rebaptized, because the Sacrament of Baptism is performed once, and no sins of either godparents, or his relatives, or even the person himself can cancel all those grace-filled gifts that are given to a person in the Sacrament of Baptism.

As for communication with godparents, then, of course, betrayal of faith, that is, falling into one or another heterodox confession - Catholicism, Protestantism, all the more falling into one or another non-Christian religion, godlessness, a blatantly impious way of life - in fact, they say that that a man has failed in his duty as a godfather. The spiritual union, concluded in this sense in the Sacrament of Baptism, can be considered terminated by the godmother or godmother, and you can ask another churched pious person to take a blessing from his confessor to bear the care of the godfather or godmother for this or that child.

- I was invited to be the godmother of a girl, but everyone tells me that the boy must be baptized first. Is it so?

- The superstitious idea that a girl should have a boy as her first godson and that a baby girl taken from the font will become an obstacle to her subsequent marriage has no Christian roots and is an absolute fabrication that an Orthodox Christian woman should not be guided by in any way.

- They say that one of the godparents must be married and have children. Is it so?

- On the one hand, the opinion that one of the godparents must be married and have children is a superstition, just like the idea that a girl who takes a girl from the font will either not marry herself, or it will impose on her fate some imprint.

On the other hand, in this opinion one can also see a certain kind of sobriety, if one does not approach it with a superstitious interpretation. Of course, it would be reasonable if people (or at least one of the godparents) are chosen as godparents for the baby, who have sufficient life experience, who themselves already have the skill of raising children in faith and piety, who have something to share with the baby's physical parents. And it would be highly desirable to look for such a godfather.

Can a pregnant woman be a godmother?

- Church statutes do not prevent a pregnant woman from being a godmother. The only thing I urge you to think about is whether you have the strength and determination to share the love for your own child with the love for the adopted baby, will you have time to take care of him, for advice to the parents of the baby, in order to sometimes pray warmly for him , bring to the temple, somehow be a good older friend. If you are more or less confident in yourself and circumstances allow, then nothing prevents you from becoming a godmother, and in all other cases, it may be better to measure seven times before cutting off once.

About godparents

Natalia Sukhinina

“Recently, I got into a conversation with a woman on the train, or rather, we even argued with her. She argued that godparents, like biological father and mother, are obliged to educate their godson. But I do not agree: a mother is a mother, to whom she will allow to interfere in the upbringing of a child. I also once had a godson in my youth, but our paths diverged a long time ago, I don’t know where he lives now. And she, this woman, says that now I will have to answer for him. Responsible for someone else's child? Something is unbelievable…”

(From a letter from a reader)

It so happened, and my life paths turned in a completely different direction from my godparents. Where they are now, how they live, and whether they are alive at all, I don’t know. Even their names could not be retained by memory, they baptized me long ago, in infancy. I asked my parents, but they don’t remember themselves, they shrug their shoulders, they say that people lived in the neighborhood at that time, and they were invited to be godparents.

And where are they now, what to call them, to magnify, do you remember?

To be honest, for me this circumstance has never been a flaw, I grew up and grew up, without godparents. No, she was cunning, it was once, envied. A school friend was getting married and received a gold chain as thin as a gossamer as a wedding gift. The godmother gave it, she boasted to us, who could not even dream of such chains. That's when I envied it. If I had a godmother, maybe I would ...
Now, of course, having lived and thought, I am very sorry about my random “father and mother”, who don’t even keep in mind that I remember them now in these lines. I remember without reproach, with regret. And, of course, in a dispute between my reader and a fellow traveler in the train, I am completely on the side of the fellow traveler. She's right. To hold us responsible for the godchildren and goddaughters scattered from their parental nests, because they are not random people in our lives, but our children, spiritual children, godparents.

Who doesn't know this picture?

Dressed up people stand aside in the temple. The center of attention is a baby in lush lace, he is passed from hand to hand, they go outside with him, they distract him so that he does not cry. Waiting for christening. They look at the clock, nervous.

Godmother and father can be recognized immediately. They are somehow especially concentrated and important. They rush to get a wallet to pay for the upcoming christening, give some orders, rustle bags of christening clothes and fresh diapers. The little man does not understand anything, goggles his eyes at the wall frescoes, at the lights of the chandelier, at the “persons accompanying him”, among which the face of the godfather is one of many. But the father invites - it's time. They fussed, got agitated, the godparents are trying their best to maintain importance - it doesn’t work, because for them, as well as for their godson, today’s exit to God’s temple is a significant event.
“When was the last time you were in church?” the priest will ask. They shrug their shoulders in embarrassment. He may not ask, of course. But even if he doesn’t ask, it’s still easy to determine from awkwardness and tension that godparents are not church people, and only the event in which they were invited to participate brought them under the vaults of the church. Father will ask questions:

Do you carry a cross?

Do you read prayers?

Do you read the gospel?

Do you celebrate church holidays?

And the godparents will begin to mutter something indistinct, to lower their eyes guiltily. The priest will certainly conscience, remind of the duty of godfathers and mothers, in general, of Christian duty. Hastily and willingly they will nod their godparents, humbly accept the denunciation of sin, and whether from excitement, or from embarrassment, or from the seriousness of the moment, few will remember and let into their hearts the main father’s thought: we are all responsible for our godchildren, and now, and forever. And whoever remembers is likely to misunderstand. And from time to time, mindful of his duty, he will begin to invest in the well-being of the godson a feasible contribution.

The first deposit immediately after baptism: an envelope with a crisp solid banknote - for a tooth. Then for birthdays, as the child grows - a chic set of children's dowry, an expensive toy, a fashionable satchel, a bicycle, a branded suit, and so on up to the gold, to the envy of the poor, chains for the wedding.

We know very little. And it’s not a problem, but something that we don’t really want to know. After all, if they wanted to, then before going to the church as a godfather, they would have looked there the day before and asked the priest what this step “threatens” us with, how it is more worthy to prepare for it.
Godfather - in Slavic godfather. Why? After immersion in the font, the priest passes the baby from his hands into the hands of the godfather. And he accepts, takes it into his own hands. The meaning of this action is very deep. Perception Godfather takes on an honorable, and most importantly, responsible mission to lead the godson along the path of ascent to the Heavenly heritage. That's where! After all, baptism is the spiritual birth of a person. Remember, in the Gospel of John: "Whoever is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the Kingdom of God."

In serious words - "guardians of faith and piety" - the Church calls the recipients. But to keep, you need to know. Therefore, only a believing Orthodox person can be a godfather, and not the one who, together with the baptized baby, first got into the temple. Godparents should know at least the basic prayers “Our Father”, “Virgin Mary”, “May God rise again ...”, they must know the “Symbol of Faith”, read the Gospel, the Psalter. And, of course, to wear a cross, to be able to be baptized.
One priest said: they came to baptize the child, but the godfather did not have a cross. Father to him: put on a cross, but he can’t, unbaptized. It's just a joke, but it's the real truth.

Faith and repentance are the two main conditions for union with God. But one cannot demand faith and repentance from a baby in lace, so the godparents are called, having faith and repentance, to pass them on, to teach them to their godparents. That is why, instead of babies, they pronounce the words of the "Creed" and the words of renunciation of Satan.

Do you deny Satan and all his works? the priest asks.

“I deny it,” the recipient answers instead of the baby.

The priest is wearing a bright festive robe as a sign of the beginning of a new life, which means spiritual purity. He walks around the font, censes it, all those standing next to the lit candles. Candles are burning in the hands of the recipients. Very soon, the priest will lower the baby three times into the font and, wet, wrinkled, not at all understanding where he is and why, a servant of God, will be handed over to the godparents. And he will be dressed in white clothes. At this time, a very beautiful troparion is sung: “Give me a light robe, put on light, like a robe ...” Accept your child, godparents. From now on, your life will be filled with a special meaning, you have taken on the feat of spiritual parenthood, and for how you carry it, you now have to answer to God.

At the First Ecumenical Council, a rule was adopted according to which women become godparents for girls, men for boys. Simply put, a girl only needs a godmother, a boy only needs a godfather. But life, as it often happens, has made its own adjustments here. According to the ancient Russian tradition, both are invited. It, of course, will not spoil the porridge with oil. But even here it is necessary to know quite certain rules. For example, a husband and wife cannot be godparents to one child, just as the parents of a child cannot be godparents at the same time. Godparents cannot marry their godchildren.

... Behind the baptism of the baby. He has a great life ahead of him, in which we have a place equal to those who gave birth to his father and mother. Ahead is our work, our constant striving to prepare the godson for the ascent to spiritual heights. Where to begin? Yes, from the smallest. At first, especially if the child is the first, parents are knocked down from the worries that have fallen on them. They are, as they say, nothing. Now is the time to lend them a helping hand.

Carry the baby to Communion, make sure that icons hang over his cradle, give notes for him in the temple, order prayers, constantly, like your own blood children, commemorate in prayers at home. Of course, you don’t have to do it instructively, they say, you are mired in fuss, but I’m all spiritual - I think about the high, I aspire to the high, I feed your child, so that you do without me ... In general, the spiritual upbringing of the baby is possible only in if the godfather in the house is his own person, desirable, tactful. It is not necessary, of course, to shift all the worries onto yourself. The duties of spiritual education are not removed from parents, but to help, support, replace somewhere, if necessary, this is mandatory, without this one cannot be justified before the Lord.

This is a really difficult cross. And, perhaps, you need to think carefully before you lay it on yourself. Can I? Will I have enough health, patience, spiritual experience to become a recipient of a person entering into life? And parents should take a good look at relatives and friends - candidates for an honorary post. Who among them can become a truly good helper in education, who will be able to give your child true Christian gifts - prayer, the ability to forgive, the ability to love God. And plush bunnies the size of elephants may be nice, but not at all necessary.

If there is trouble in the house, then there are other criteria. How many unfortunate, restless children suffer from drunken fathers, unlucky mothers. And how many simply unfriendly, embittered people live under one roof and make children suffer cruelly. As old as the world, such stories are banal. But if a person who stood with a lit candle in front of the baptismal font fits into this plot, if he, this person, rushes, as if into an embrasure, towards his godson, he can turn mountains. Doing good is also good. It is not in our power to drive away a fool-man from half a liter, to reason with a lost daughter or to sing “make peace, make peace, make peace” to two frowning halves. But it is in our power to take away to our dacha for a day at the dacha a boy weary of affection, enroll him in Sunday school and take the trouble to take him there, and to pray. Prayer feat is at the forefront of godparents of all times and peoples.

The priests are well aware of the severity of the feat of the recipients and do not bless to recruit a lot of children for their children, good and different.

But I know a man who has more than fifty godchildren. These boys and girls are just from there, from childhood loneliness, childish sadness. From a big child's misfortune.

This man's name is Alexander Gennadyevich Petrynin, he lives in Khabarovsk, directs the Children's Rehabilitation Center, or, more simply, in an orphanage. As a director, he does a lot, digs through funds for equipping classes, selects cadres from conscientious, unselfish people, rescues his wards from the police, collects them in the basements.

Like a godfather, he takes them to church, tells them about God, prepares them for Communion, and prays. Pray a lot, a lot. In Optina Hermitage, in the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, in the Diveevsky Monastery, in dozens of churches throughout Russia, long notes written by him about the health of numerous godchildren are read. He is very tired, this man, sometimes he almost collapses from fatigue. But he has no other choice, he is a godfather, and his godchildren are a special people. His heart is a rare heart, and the priest, realizing this, blesses him for such asceticism. A teacher from God, those who know him in business say about him. Godfather from God - is it possible to say so? No, probably all godparents are from God, but he knows how to suffer like a godfather, knows how to love like a godfather, and knows how to save. Like a godfather.

For us, whose godchildren, like the children of Lieutenant Schmidt, are scattered throughout cities and villages, his ministry to children is an example of true Christian ministry. I think that many of us cannot reach its heights, but if we do life with someone, then just with those who understand their title of “grandparent” as a serious, and not an accidental matter in life.
One can, of course, say: I am a weak, busy person, not so hot a church person, and the best thing I can do in order not to sin is to refuse the offer to be a godfather altogether. It's more honest and easier, right? Easier - yes. But more honest...
Few of us, especially when the time has imperceptibly come to stop, look around, can say to ourselves - I am a good father, a good mother, I owe nothing to my own child. We are indebted to everyone, and the godless time in which our requests, our projects, our passions grew, is the result of our debts to each other. We won't give them away. Children have grown up and do without our truths and our discoveries of America. The parents got old. But conscience - the voice of God - itches and itches.

Conscience requires a splash, and not in words, but in deeds. Can it not be such a thing to carry the duties of the Cross?
It is a pity that there are few examples of the feat of the cross among us. The word "godfather" has almost disappeared from our vocabulary. And the recent wedding of the daughter of my childhood friend was a great and unexpected gift for me. Or rather, not even a wedding, which in itself is a great joy, but a feast, the wedding itself. And that's why. Sat down, poured wine, waiting for a toast. Everyone is somehow embarrassed, the parents of the bride skip ahead with the speeches of the groom's parents, they are vice versa. And then he stood tall and handsome man. He got up in a very businesslike way. He raised his glass:

“I mean, as the godfather of the bride…”

Everyone quieted down. Everyone listened to the words about young people living long, together, having many children, and most importantly, with the Lord.
“Thank you, godfather,” said the charming Yulia, and from under the luxurious foaming veil she gave her godfather a grateful look.

Thank you godfather, I thought. Thank you for carrying the love for your spiritual daughter from the baptismal candle to the wedding. Thank you for reminding us all of something we had completely forgotten about. But we have time to remember. How many - the Lord knows. Therefore, we must hurry.

Reader's letter:

A close friend invited me to be the godfather of his child. I don't know if I can pull it. What do I need to become a godfather? I heard that just like that, “from the street”, you can’t come and baptize a child ...

Andrey

Why you shouldn't refuse to be a godfather

What to do if you are asked to become godfather of a child and you don't feel ready for it? What reasons for your refusal can be considered objective, and which are the product of your fears and complexes, which still need to be dealt with? And should the godfather then take care of his godson all his life? Archpriest Fyodor Borodin, rector of the Church of the Holy Unmercenaries Cosmas and Damian on Maroseyka (Moscow), answers these questions to “Thomas”.

- Father Fyodor, what would you answer to this letter?

- You know, I would like to answer not only this letter. Similar "I'm afraid!", "I won't pull it!" I hear from many people who are suddenly faced with the need to… make a choice! So - in our time, paradoxically, the very fact that a person himself made a choice, he himself took responsibility, deserves to be called unique. In response to such letters, I would like to ask: what happened to us? Why, we (many of us at least) every evening in the prayer of John Chrysostom ask God to deliver us from cowardice, ask us to grant us generosity.

And so, every day you ask about it, and, finally, the Lord calls you: a boy or a girl was born, and the choice fell on you to help the child come closer to the Lord. So what? Will you say, "No, Lord"? The same prayer says: "Lord, receive me in repentance." Why does John Chrysostom say this? Because God may not accept. What if He says, “No, I'm not ready. I do not want. How much can you forgive? We don't want the Lord to say "no" to us!

If we refuse in such situations, it turns out that we come to the temple as consumers: we need the forgiveness of sins, the peace of our conscience. But at some point, the Lord calls us: “Now you also work hard, serve a little to the cause of My Church.” And we miss this challenge: “Oh, I'm afraid, I can't! Oh who am I? Oh, I can't!"

It must be understood that none of us is ever fully prepared for any service in the Church. But any such service, including the service of the cross, is carried out with the help of God. What are we? And we complain: no, I’m not ready - instead of saying: I will do everything not to miss this challenge, I will take responsibility and quickly “grow up” to the ministry that God offers me.

- And yet, what should a person who is going to become a godfather be prepared for?

- For example, to the fact that in adolescence his godson will take off his cross and refuse to go to church. We must be ready for this, because the Lord is ready for this. Human freedom is what the philosopher Nikolai Lossky called divine risk. God, leaving the space of human freedom, in which even He has no power, consciously takes risks, because a person is free to refuse Him.

The godfather, like any parent, must understand that Christianity is a personal meeting of a person with God. God does not speak to the people, not to the family or society. He addresses each person personally. But he, in his freedom, can say: no, I don’t want to, I have no time, have me renounced (Luke 14:19). And God is ready for it. He is waiting. As long as a person is alive, hope is not lost.

Recently, the father of our parishioner was baptized with us. A very old man, he was a militant atheist all his life. He was always against his daughter going to church, arguing, cursing. But when he fell seriously ill and realized that life was ending, he himself asked: "Call the priest, I want to be baptized." She didn't believe her ears. So for our godchildren, who once went to Sunday school, and then left the church, not everything is lost. The seed of eternal life is sown in them.

By the way, in the sacrament of Baptism there are wonderful words when the priest, pointing to the newly baptized, says: "Lord, You gave him the power of eternal life." In this case, power is free will. That is, God prepared for him eternal life, and whether or not to take this gift from Him is up to the person himself. Not mom, not dad, not godfather, not confessor. And as long as a person is alive, he can always return to God, no matter how much he falls away from Him.

And we must do what depends on us - to preach. And the godson is the first object of our sermon.

- But if the godson does not want to listen to us, if he refuses to go to church, how should the godfather behave in such a situation?

- If the godson does not blaspheme, you need to continue to invite him to the temple, to visit you, to some events, talk with him, maybe even argue, because usually a young man is passionate about some very simple ideas.

We had a young man who was baptized and grew up in our church, who committed many bad deeds in a row and after that announced to his mother that he no longer believes. He argues with her, passionately lays out his arguments, and she replies: “Son, about 35 years ago, when I studied at a Soviet school, I thought about these arguments day and night. And for me, all these issues were resolved even then. You can say: “Well, remember, you went to church, went to an Orthodox camp, went to Sunday school. Which is better: how was it there or now, when you walk in the evenings in an incomprehensible company? Okay, for now, maybe the second one is more like it, but who knows what will happen in 40 years.

I remember a conversation with one woman. Once I go to the temple, and she is sitting on a bench, her eyes are wet. He asks: "Can I talk to you?" And she says that as a child she went to church, to Sunday school, her family even had a spiritual father, and she communicated with him, consulted. And then she grew up, spun a whirlpool secular life and she went into all serious trouble. And then I went to the temple, and overtook the memory of childhood. And it became obvious that the truth is here, in the Church. And she returned to church life. And the break was about fifteen years, and I think it seemed to all her church-going acquaintances that there was nothing to hope for.

- If a person became a godfather without realizing what responsibility he takes on, and then he himself came to the Church and realized: should something be done?

- You need to appear in the family of your godson, remind you of your existence and start doing at least something. First of all, start praying for him. And to give the gospel to the godson himself and try to read some passage with him. Try to cling to that work of Russian literature, which he is now studying at school. Let's say, if it is "Crime and Punishment", it cannot be understood at all without reading the Gospel. Talk about it and let him read this Book. Invite him on some trip, go with him to a museum, to a performance. You have to start somewhere, and then everything can be very different.

Of course, there are situations when the parents themselves do not let the child go to the temple ... I had a friend who grew up in a family that was not just non-church, but atheistic. Mother was a translator for one of the members of the Central Committee, and father was a terrible cynic. But my father was very fond of opera and choral singing, he was well versed in it and had a unique collection of records. And then one day, in order to show his teenage son how a good choir can sound in an authentic space, he took him to the temple in honor of the icon of the Mother of God “Joy of All Who Sorrow” on Ordynka, where the famous Sveshnikov choir sang. He brought his son to listen to the choir, and the boy believed. And a fierce war began in the house. Mother it was across the career, and the father just across the soul. The child was both beaten and not allowed into the temple, and he tied the sheets, descended on them from the third floor and ran to the service. And he defended his right to be a believer: he graduated from seminary and became a priest. The meeting with God happened in spite of everything.

I still remember my feeling of the temple, where my godmother took me as a child. Yes, it was hard, stuffy, incomprehensible, but I felt that something extremely important was happening, something sacred. But the godmother could say: “His parents are unbelievers, his father is not baptized at all, so what can I do? I’ll give him an icon and that’s it.” But she took a different path, began to work on me.

- And if the parents of the child are believers themselves, church people - how big is the role of the godfather in this case?

— It can be difficult even for two believing parents to raise a child as a believing Christian, because the level of temptation that life now offers is much higher than in previous eras. We know many children of wonderful Christian parents who reject the Christian life. Whatever the parents, faith is a personal meeting of a person with God. Even the greatest prophet of antiquity Samuel's children grew up to be useless.

But both parents and godparents should give a person a “taste” of what life in the Church is. As long as he is still young, pure, whole, as long as he is the very child about whom the Lord says: of such is the Kingdom of God (Luke 18:16), as long as it is natural for his soul to know God.

Then he will grow up and, perhaps, for some time - or even forever - leave the Church. But still, he will have a memory of what it is, the grace of God. And, perhaps, when we are no longer alive, at the next critical moment of his life, he will reevaluate everything and return. And if the child is not given the experience of church life, his memory will have nothing to cling to, he will not have a guideline so that in a moment of despair, pain, he will find the way to the Home.

Is it enough just to pray for the godson?

- Father Fyodor, do you have a sample of a real godparent? What is this person?

“I have before my eyes the example of my own godmother. When I was 9 years old, at the request of friends, my father helped her move the furniture. In her apartment, he saw icons and said: “We are thinking of baptizing our daughter and son, would you like to become a godmother?” At the same time, the pope himself was unbaptized, and the mother, although she was baptized in childhood, was extremely far from church life. Vera Alekseevna agreed, but took a promise from her father not to interfere with her performance of her duties. Not understanding what he was getting into, Dad nodded. And it began.

Three times a year, Vera Alekseevna called and said: “On Sunday I take Anya and Fedya, we go to church with them, do not feed them in the morning.” And she took us to the temple, and after the service she took out a thermos and sandwiches from the bag and fed us. Did we understand then? Unlikely. Rather, they whined that their backs ached from standing in the service.

The godmother gave me a paper-bound prayer book and underlined in it the prayers “To the Heavenly King”, “Our Father” and “Virgin Mary”. After a while, she asked: “Do you read prayers?” I lied that I was reading, although no one prayed at home, and I myself did not do it either. But the godmother took the prayer book and said: “You're lying. If you had read, the cover would have been wrinkled." I felt ashamed, and since then I have been reading morning prayers to this day.

It was her firmness that created what I personally perceive as a miracle: my sister and I, children from a family far from the Church, found God, found the meaning around which our lives are built and continue to be built.

As I later found out, Vera Alekseevna, who had no children of her own, had about thirty godchildren. Three became priests, and almost all came to the Church. The godmother arranged Christmas and Easter holidays, where they talked about the Church and faith, read poems by Russian poets about God. This was, of course, an amazing apostolic ministry in Soviet time.

- Today, many church people also have 10, 20, 30 godchildren. But due to employment, it is simply not possible to pay so much attention to their godparents.

“Unfortunately, this is my problem too. Many of my classmates, knowing that I was a priest, asked me to be the godfather of their children. And some of them, despite all my persuasion, did not take their children to the temple while they were small. And I live far away, and I myself have eight children - I was so busy that I simply could not deal with godchildren. Of course, I'm just making excuses for myself now. But in fact, I feel guilty and repent.

— But you certainly commemorate all your godchildren in prayer every day. Or is this not enough?

— Yes, I remember. And of course, don't underestimate the power of prayer. My godfather, a priest, served in Torzhok, so he could not deal with me. And although I believe that I owe my coming to the Church mainly to my godmother, I think that his prayers also played a significant role in this. But prayer work backed up by some kind of action is certainly better.

Of course, if your godson's family is a church family, the parents themselves go to church with him, pray, read the Gospel and try to live according to it. A lot of my godchildren and goddaughters live in such families, and I pray for them, and my soul does not hurt for them, as for children from non-church families. And yet I would still like to be more involved in the lives of my godchildren.

“Each godfather can fill in his gaps in spiritual life - and begin to act”

— How does communication with future godparents take place in your church?

We have several options for educational conversations. The first is the minimum without which we are not allowed to participate in the sacrament of Baptism. It consists of three discourses given by a catechist.

The second is 14-15 talks that we have every Monday evening. Such courses - they are called "The Discovery of Faith" - take place with us twice a year: from October to Christmas and from the end of January to the Easter period. On them, priests talk about the foundations of faith, about Orthodox rites, about Christian culture. And it must be said that many of those who have long been baptized and even participate in church life attend these courses with interest, because they feel a large number of gaps in your knowledge. We offer these courses to everyone, including godparents and those who are serious about their new role and believes that three conversations are not enough for them, they go to listen to them.

We also have Sunday talks for adults. Most often they are visited by parents who bring their children to Sunday school, while they themselves listen to a lecture at this time. But, of course, future godparents can, too.

- You have been holding conversations for godparents for many years. In your opinion, do the people who come to you change over time?

- The changes probably correspond to the general changes that are taking place among the people. On the one hand, there are still people who participate in baptism only because they were asked, but otherwise: “Leave me alone, what kind of stupidity did you come up with, 15 years ago I was a godfather, and they didn’t demand anything from me” . And they are looking for a temple where these obligatory three conversations would not take place - such is the cynicism.

But, on the other hand, there are many people today who take the subject of baptism seriously, who understand that it is a ministry that imposes certain obligations on them, and who, I hope, will be good godparents.

And I must say, the questions that they ask me have changed. Everything more people who are not interested in the ceremonial side of Orthodoxy, not in domes and bells, fasts and feasts - good things, but still secondary, external - but in the essence of the Christian faith. What is original sin? What does the fall of Adam and Eve have to do with me personally? What is the divine humanity of Jesus Christ? What is salvation? What is the Church? How does the holiness of the Church relate to what they sometimes see through our sins. What are the sacraments, the Eucharist, the Body and Blood of Christ? These are all very serious questions, and the number of people asking them has increased considerably. They are spiritually hungry, and we must try to satisfy it.

There is an opinion that it is impossible to refuse the offer to be a godparent - supposedly this is a sin. However, godparents are responsible, first of all, for the godson's morality, therefore they must take responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of the child.

Godparents must be Orthodox people of high moral character. Giving gifts to a child is not the only and not the main function of godparents. Spending time with the godson, the godparents should talk with him on the topics of kindness, love, moral values. They should introduce the child to the church: visit the temple with him, take him to communion, teach prayers, talk about God. According to church ministers, godparents must have faith and repentance and are called to pass them on, to teach them to their godson.

When thinking about the offer to become a godfather, ask yourself the question - will you pray for this child as for your own?

If you understand that you do not meet these requirements, or do not feel the strength to help your parents in the religious upbringing of your child, do not place an unbearable burden on your shoulders. Being a bad godfather is worse than not being one.

How to turn down an offer to be a godfather

If you are fully aware that you are not ready for the responsibility that lies with the godparents, and do not feel the desire to take care of the godson, but are afraid to spoil your godson with your refusal friendly relations with the baby's parents, prepare to talk to them.

It can be assumed that when friends have a baby, they will offer you to become a godfather, because a good friend is, as a rule, a potential godfather. Knowing this in advance, do not immediately respond to their offer. Let the parents of the baby understand that you are very pleased that they want to entrust the spiritual education of their child to you. Explain that you take the ordinance of baptism seriously and know what a good godfather should be like. Ask them for time to think. By doing so, you will prepare your friends for the fact that your answer can be not only positive. Along the way, explain to them what functions godparents should perform. Young parents may not know about them. Hint that you do not fully possess some of the qualities necessary for the religious education of a child.

When refusing to become a godfather, honestly tell your parents that you will not be able to provide sufficient attention to their child, that you are not ready to teach him morality, but at the same time you love their baby and will communicate with him without even becoming a godfather.

Parents want the best for their child and will no doubt understand your refusal, and this will not affect your friendship in any way.

Often from the "church" grandmothers, and in general from the elderly, you can hear the phrase: "The cross is not renounced!". The meaning of this phrase is that if you were asked to become a godmother, but you do not have the right to refuse. What is this statement based on? And is it true? In this article, we will deal with everything in order.

Why can't you refuse to be a godmother? What does baptism entail

The rite of baptism itself is only one of the 7 sacraments that exist in the Orthodox Church. The essence of this rite is as follows: a believer is immersed in water three times. It is believed that at this moment a person ceases to exist for life in sin and is reborn for eternal life. From the foregoing, we can conclude that the rite of baptism is necessary for a believing person in order to gain salvation. After all, during this ceremony, a birth takes place for a completely new, spiritual life.

What is required of godparents

One of the most important requirements is the true Orthodox faith of future godparents. These should be people who live according to church laws, because their main goal is to teach the baby entrusted to them the basic laws of Orthodoxy, to give little man spiritual and life guidance.

If it so happened that the godparents themselves do not understand anything in matters of faith, then what can they give to their godson? What will they teach him? When agreeing to become a godmother, it is very important to realize what a huge share of responsibility for spiritual education falls on the shoulders. After all, godparents, along with blood parents, are responsible for the child before God.

If the person who has decided to undergo the rite of baptism is an adult and can utter the words of renunciation himself, then his godparents, who are present at the same time, act as guarantors in the face of the Church, bearing responsibility for the fidelity and sincerity of his words.

Duties of the godmother:

• Pray for your godson as often as possible.
• Perform all church sacraments, the main of which are confession and communion.
• Talk about worship church calendar, as well as the holiness and importance of icons.
• Tell in detail about church services, rules for fasting and the power of prayers.

Based on the foregoing, it becomes clear that a stranger cannot become a godmother.

Who should not be chosen as godparents

You cannot trust such an important and responsible mission to a good-natured grandmother, met in the temple or near it, who is ready to “hold” your child during baptism. In addition, it is not recommended to choose friends or relatives who will not be able to fulfill their spiritual duties described above as godparents. Godparents for a child should never be chosen for personal benefit for the parents or the baby. It is important to remember the original purpose of this sacrament, so as not to deprive the child of a true spiritual mentor and not to impose someone who in the future will absolutely not worry about the spiritual side of raising a child, for which he himself will later be responsible before God. Godparents cannot choose sinners who have not repented, as well as people who lead an immoral lifestyle.

Taking into account all the above facts, let's summarize: why, after all, it is impossible to refuse to become a godmother. And is it really not possible?

Is it possible to refuse an offer to become a godmother and will it be a sin

If a person who has been offered to become a godparent for some reason feels his inner moral and spiritual unpreparedness or has reasonable fears that he will not be able to fulfill the duties of a godparent given to him by God with full responsibility, then this person may well refuse the natural parents of this child (or the baptized person himself, if he turns out to be an adult) to act as godfather to their offspring. There is no terrible sin in this, which they talk about a lot.

Think for yourself: after all, doing this will be more honest in relation to the baby, his parents and, importantly, to himself, rather than taking on a significant responsibility for the spiritual upbringing of the child, not fulfilling his obligations given to God.

Reader question:

Hello! We baptized our daughter, and our godmother - ex-wife my husband's brother, and we live in the same apartment. She does not fulfill her duties as a godmother, and recently she began to accuse me of cheating with her man, our family of stealing, and the child should not leave our room at all. Is it possible to cancel the godmother or rewrite the child to another godmother?

Archpriest Andrey Efanov answers:

Dear Natalia, in the tradition of Russian Orthodoxy, there is no mechanism for depriving the authorities and duties of the recipients at baptism and transferring them to another person. On the one hand, godparents are called godparents, and parents should be honored regardless of their qualities. But, on the other hand, when parents renounce their duty, children are assigned to another family. And, as there are foster parents, so, it seems to me, there can be foster godparents - these are people who can take the trouble to help parents in the flesh in the spiritual upbringing of the child. In principle, the official procedure of "spiritual adoption" is not so important for this, especially since it does not exist. The factual side is more important. You wrote that the godmother does not fulfill her duties, but did not specify which ones. She doesn't take the child to the temple? You can do it yourself. Not engaged in the spiritual education of your child? But then you can do this yourself or ask your friends from those who are churched and have free time help you in the spiritual enlightenment of the child.

I am sure that the duties of a godmother can also be performed by parents. After all, it's their child! If help is needed, then in any church the priest can instruct the parishioners to help the child become churched. The main thing is that parents want this, then everything will work out.

An archive of all questions can be found. If you have not found the question that interests you, you can always ask it.

On the screensaver is a fragment of a photo Flickr.com/massalim

Hello, then why attach godparents, who, as a result, do not carry their cross, and even better, when you find out that they are not believers, you have lost faith ... Then then tie people to this responsible business ... It is clear that we the parents themselves, in the end, and we will educate their own children without any godparents, but at the same time, in my heart there is a question for that person, WHY ... WHY ... If this is how it turns out later, then let the parents baptize without anyone, whoever helps, he will help even without baptism ... So that later I say there would be no pretensions to those people who take on the spiritual cross ... And then maybe people will live with a different understanding of this rite ... Otherwise they baptize, it seems like she made a commitment, but in the end why is it needed ... You are a mother, you and mess with your child ... Well, isn't it funny ...