How to cope after a husband's infidelity advice from a psychologist. Cheating husband: practical advice from a psychologist. Preparing an important conversation

Adultery, besides leading to negative emotions and suffering, also changes the relationship between spouses.

When a man has changed and the situation in the family becomes aggravated and requires immediate answers to the question "what next?" the decision is usually left to the woman. In this case, the husband only introduces certainty: either he promises that this will not happen again, or admits that he loves the other, or both of them, or leaves.

How to survive the betrayal of your husband if he sincerely regrets what happened? Divorce is the first impulsive desire of a deceived wife, who finds it difficult to accept and forgive her husband's deed.

However, before making a serious decision, you need to weigh everything and think about how life will change after the family is completely destroyed. To break is not to build. Divorce is much easier than starting a family again. This is especially true of a woman who, after a divorce, is often left alone with her children. But not to react in any way is also impossible.

1. Remain calm.

In the lives of most men, another woman appears simply out of curiosity. Many women face a similar situation, so you should not assume that you are the only victim of male betrayal.

2. Drop adherence to principles.

You should not set yourself the goal of punishing the guilty one by all means. The main task of every woman is to keep the family together. However, it makes sense to analyze the life together, because infidelity, as a rule, does not happen without a reason.

3. Use wise behavior tactics.

It is necessary by reasonable actions to convince your husband that the new woman is not so good, and you are not as bad as he may think now.

For marriage, perhaps, there is no test more serious than the test of betrayal. Being married, we should not forget that marriage gives us not only protection, a reliable rear and confidence in the future, but also the opportunity to be an worried, feeling and living person. How to learn wise behavior so as not to lose everything in the heat of the moment? Everyone takes the choice for themselves.

You began to notice that your husband often talks on the phone, he receives SMS, he hangs out on social networks, spends a lot of time not with you, but with friends. This behavior leads to the idea that a loved one started an affair on the side and is cheating on you.

Once you are convinced of this, you begin to think about what to do next. To kill, forgive, drive away, take revenge - you can do a lot of stupid things in a fit of anger. But psychologists offer a completely different way out of the situation, which will help maintain nerves, health and relationships with her husband.

Why do men cheat

A woman will never understand why a man can change if he loves. This happens because the stronger and weaker sex have radically different outlooks on life. Women are created to keep the home, to be loyal to their family, and men are born conquerors who need to conquer new heights in order to stay at their best.

Statistics claim that 99 men out of 100 are capable of cheating, 75 of them have been unfaithful to their halves at least once, and 50 consider this to be the norm. Therefore, it is rather easier to reconcile than to fight with masculine nature.

Reasons for male infidelity:

Men do not put any meaning in sex, for them it is a way of relaxation and a natural need. Someone needs it more, someone less, hence the relationship appears on the side.
Women think that they are not being cheated on, but in the same way men are sure that they will not be caught. Some close their eyes, while others take advantage of it.
The man just doesn't love you. If he does not value marriage, then he does not try to hide that he is cheating.
A man can cheat out of boredom, in search of new adventures and sensations.
Sex on the side can happen, because the opportunity will turn up and there is a girl who agrees to it.

Yes, from the point of view of women, men are selfish animals, but nothing can be done about nature. You can only change your attitude to this situation and get out of it with your head held high.

Signs of treason

But before you accuse your soul mate of betrayal, you need to have proof. Otherwise, you will be considered hysterical, and the relationship will end.

What signs indicate a husband's betrayal:

Change in behavior. New acquaintances always leave a mark on speech, manners and habits.
If a man is cheating, he has to lie. But lying is a difficult skill and not everyone can master it. If events, dates and little things do not coincide in his stories, then he may have an affair on the side.
A man demands from you changes in your intimate life. He longs for new experiments, wants to change your appearance and demeanor.
The sudden attention and courtesy on the part of the husband suggests that he is trying to divert attention from other things.
When your husband starts asking you to cook unusual dishes, although he was always delighted with homemade borscht, someone pampers him with delicacies on the side.

Remember that someday the truth will be revealed. Therefore, think before you start trying on the role of a detective and looking for evidence. Is such a play of your nerves and time worth it or not.

What to do if your husband cheated on you

If all the evidence is on the face, and the husband did not find excuses against your arguments, then it's time to think about how to live on. Most women are confused by this event, and they start to panic, because they do not know what to do next.

It is this fear that inhibits the desire to be exposed, and wives turn a blind eye to their husband's behavior. This threatens with a nervous breakdown and loss of self-confidence. In any case, the situation will have to be addressed, and the sooner this happens, the better for both of you.

Also, psychologists advise not to make scandals and tantrums. It is best to wait out the time and calm down. And talking with your husband and making decisions should be cool. In a fit of feelings, you can tell your spouse hurtful and unfair words, hurt his feelings and then regret it. Every man is worthy of forgiveness, especially if he loves you. It is common for all people to stumble, but then repent of what they have done.

Ideally, you need to part for a period of time and put all your thoughts on the shelves. Separation will help you understand how much you need a loved one, whether it is worth maintaining the relationship and how to behave further. Plus, it's a reason to make your husband worry.

For a woman, forgiving cheating means showing her weakness and spine. They think that this is how they pamper their men and push them to do more terrible things. But forgiveness does not mean admitting betrayal again. It is worth clearly defining the boundaries and not breaking them.

First of all, you need forgiveness, not your husband. There are several important reasons for this:

A harboring resentment prevents you from moving forward.
It is a severe stress for the nervous system to store and perceive negative information.
The inability to forgive the mistakes of loved ones will not allow you to build strong and trusting relationships.
Resentment becomes the cause of a decrease in immunity and the appearance of diseases.
Resentment makes you a weak person, unable to withstand difficulties.
If you harbor a grudge against one person, you will no longer be able to trust others, constantly comparing them with each other.
Only wise women can forgive, be that way no matter what.

If you want to speak out to someone, then let it not be your husband, but a close friend, sister or mother. It is useful to go to a psychologist who will help you look at the situation from the outside and understand that nothing terrible has happened.

Do I need to get a divorce after infidelity

Upon learning of her husband's betrayal, the first thing that comes to a woman's mind is to apply for a divorce. But think, you need another hit if you haven't recovered from the first one yet. Divorce is a serious step, after which it will be difficult to correct the consequences.

It's one thing when you quarrel, disperse from room to room, but after a few days you decide to make up. It is quite another thing to erase a loved one from life forever. Even if he made a mistake, you promised to be with him in sorrow and in joy. The purpose of marriage is to support each other, and not to leave for any reason. If you forgive the betrayal and begin to trust your significant other again, the relationship will move to a new level and become stronger.

In any case, this issue should not be resolved alone, the husband must necessarily participate in this. Listen to his position, it suddenly turns out that a fleeting affair did not mean anything to him, and now he realized how dear you are to him.

But it also happens that trust does not return, and it becomes difficult for you to live with your loved one. Or he does not change and continues to walk to the side. Such things can be understood only after some time after the betrayal. And the conclusion here is disappointing - you will have to file for divorce.

How to regain self-confidence

A woman who has been betrayed by her husband needs comfort and support. The first thing she does is blame herself for the situation. She says that she has become not as beautiful as before, has ceased to take care of herself, to pay attention to her husband.

But this is not the case. You just got used to each other, you live together and there is no point in swaggering in front of each other. To understand that you are a worthy woman and wife, simple daily exercises will help:

Pay attention to men. Nothing will raise a girl's self-esteem like compliments and courtship of the opposite sex.
Write down all your strengths on a piece of paper and reread them every day.
Set goals and achieve them. If you want to lose weight, set a specific date and the number of kilograms that will be lost by that time.
Don't be jealous of anyone.
Become better not just anyone, but yourself.
Take care of yourself. Beauty must be maintained in any case.
Dress nicely. Clothing should not be expensive, but it should emphasize your dignity.
Find a hobby. Color by number, embroidery, cooking classes - these are the little things that will distract you from negative thoughts. And when you see the result, you will be pleasantly surprised.

Cheating for a woman is a difficult event that not everyone can survive alone. If you caught your loved one "red-handed", then do not keep emotions in yourself. Trust close people who see the situation from the outside and help you make the right decision.

Video: how to start living after betrayal

Instructions

Calm down and look at the situation from the outside. The fact of treason is obvious, but is it worth dramatizing what happened? After all, no one died, did not get sick. Everything is relative. Now what happened seems to you to be something very serious, scary, sad, but time will pass - a month, a year, five years and you will already remember the betrayal with much less heightened feelings and emotions.

Think about the fact that sometimes cheating is even necessary. For what? So that you understand what kind of person really lives next to you, that he does not value your relationship. The sooner the betrayal happens, the more chances a woman will have to break off relations with the traitor and find a truly worthy person. There is another version of a positive outlook on treason: what happened will reveal the existing problems of your marriage, help you eliminate them in a timely manner and live together further, but without lies and falsehood.

Analyze why the betrayal happened: because of the loving nature of your husband or for some other reason? What has your relationship with your spouse been like recently? Perhaps, having changed, he wanted to prove something to you? Who was the leading partner in your family? Maybe he just got tired of being in the role of henpecked and he decided to feel like a real man? What was your sexual relationship like - did it have enough passion, novelty, emotion?

Talk frankly with your husband about what happened, try to stay calm. To do this, give up for a while from the role of a deceived wife, become a friend, comrade. Ask why he did it? Ask him to be honest. Say that you are very hurt and upset by the fact that your spouse betrayed you. If you feel your indirect guilt in what happened, tell your husband about it, decide how you will live on.

Don't go over the details of what happened in your mind over and over again. Try to diversify your life, fill it with interesting things and events. Find a hobby you like, sign up for some courses, buy a gym or pool membership. Remember to keep an eye on your appearance. Work to improve your self-esteem.

Keep in mind that the temptation to plunge into depression is great. Everyone around you will feel sorry for you, you will look like an unhappy wife and, perhaps, your betrayed husband will realize the full extent of his guilt, crawl on your knees and beg for forgiveness. However, this stereotype is false: yes, at first they will feel sorry for you, your spouse will be ashamed to look you in the eyes, but every day your depression will drag you deeper and deeper, and people who empathize with you will have their own affairs and problems and they will not have time you. And the husband will prefer a stronger, more successful and self-confident woman.

Keep a diary in which you write down all the thoughts and feelings that torment you. Leaving them on paper, fill yourself with new emotions that you need to get out of this situation as a winner, namely: confidence in yourself and tomorrow, constructive anger, and self-esteem.

note

If depression is pulling you in more and more and you cannot resist it, make an appointment with an experienced therapist. Taking into account the specifics of your particular situation, a specialist will be able to help you more effectively.

Helpful advice

If your husband decides to leave you for another woman, find the strength to accept this news with dignity. Do not ask him to stay, but make it clear that he will not be able to return to you.

Alcohol obscures human consciousness, and under its influence, some men are capable of stupid actions. Husbands often cheat on their soulmates under the influence of alcoholic beverages.

What to do if a spouse cheats under the influence of alcohol

If your man is an exemplary family man, under the influence of alcoholic drinks begins to seek adventure on the side, you should not tolerate such behavior. Try to fight it. The easiest way out of the situation is to treat your spouse in special medical centers. Psychologists and other doctors can help people with alcohol addiction. If you manage to eradicate the addiction that pushes your lover to cheating, most likely you will forget about marital betrayal forever.

How to teach a husband a lesson for treason after drinking

If you can't fight alcohol consumption, you can teach your beloved man a lesson and discourage him from any desire to communicate with the opposite sex closer than he is allowed.

Try to negotiate with an unattractive woman that she will provide you with some help, you may even have to pay a monetary reward for this. Choose the right moment when your husband will sleep after a stormy rest, invite an ugly woman to your home, ask her to undress and lie down next to your lover. You yourself can go somewhere. Imagine how surprised your beloved will be when in the morning, at the time of a wild hangover, he sees such a person next to him. Then you can tell him that you know with whom he slept, and you are very ashamed that such an attractive man went to bed with such a lady. However, this option is only suitable if your spouse is unconscious.

Another way to teach an unfaithful husband a lesson is to agree with one of his mistresses to declare pregnancy. Let the woman who had a relationship with your spouse inform him that she is in an interesting position and is not going to get rid of the child. Frayed nerves, spoiled mood and repulsed craving for cheating on a man is guaranteed.

In addition, you can tell your spouse that you have been seen by a venereologist, and you have found some kind of disease that is transmitted exclusively through sex. Since you are not cheating on your lover, most likely it was he who became the carrier of the infection.

If all your attempts are unsuccessful, think about divorce, since future life will not bring you anything good, betrayal will continue, and occasional alcohol consumption can turn into a habit.

Sometimes it happens that life brings you to a person who can change and betray. Very often, such people who are unfaithful are men. Of course, everyone has different reasons and reasons, but it is important to know only one thing - if a person has cheated, he is to blame and this cannot be disputed.

How to survive the betrayal of your husband if he nevertheless turned out to be unfaithful and betrayed you? It is very important at the first stage to determine the reason for this action. There are three of them in total:

The man deliberately went to such an act, realizing that he doesn't like the relationship with you anymore. Maybe he is missing something, for example, he does not feel comfortable, you have ceased to attract him.
There were circumstances when the betrayal happened by accident. This happens when a person is influenced by his feelings and desires.
Cheating is a way to take revenge on your wife for the fact that, for example, she also turned out to be unfaithful to you.

If you do not know how to survive the betrayal of your husband, the advice suggests that you need to rely on the circumstances. Of course, in any case, the cheater is to blame, since infidelity is not a way to get away from problems, it is a stupid decision.

Many believe that if they have been cheated on, it's time to end their lives. In fact, you should not take this phenomenon too close to your heart. You must assess the situation soberly and understand the following:

Treason is not death. Nobody died, everyone is alive and well, everyone is near. This is something to keep in mind before you consider giving up your life. Just accept cheating as some kind of problem in life that is easy to get through. Even being homeless is a more compelling reason for grief than cheating.
If you do not know how to survive the betrayal of your husband, the advice of a psychologist suggests that you should pull yourself together, calm down. No matter how bad you feel after you learn the truth, you must not lose hope and lose heart. Calm down and start solving something.
Analyze the reason for cheating, this is very important. Also after that, decide if you have a future with this person or not. Only after that, think about what you will do.
Remember one thing. By deciding to divorce, you will lose. If the man is ready to apologize and return to you, accept him. Otherwise, we can assume that the mistress won, and you just gave up. Do you need it, want to be the loser?

Once you've decided it's best to forgive your loved one, relationships and family can be rebuilt easily. What is needed for this? The main thing is that two people are ready to take their steps towards success.

You must make it clear to the man that you are a victim of the situation. Now you have a lot of rights. For example, you can easily demand that you end your relationship with your mistress. Surely she still remained with your man, you need to decide this moment.

You, as a victim, can now dispose of who and what will do. Load your husband with some responsibilities, do everything fairly. Also, deal with family budget issues.

By the way, it is very important now to understand what caused the betrayal. Try to improve relationships. If you do not know how to survive the betrayal of your husband and keep your family, just try to make your relationship perfect. For example, have a heart-to-heart talk and talk about shortcomings, some problems. Together, you will definitely be able to cope with them.

The husband changed after long years of marriage: what to do?

Husband changed how to survive cheating

If you don’t know how to survive the betrayal of your husband, and it’s important for you to keep the marriage, you just need to remember a few important things. For example, think about the fact that you have been together for many years, this will surely make you remember many pleasant moments in life.

Incidentally, the issue of children should also be taken into account. You should understand that for them the divorce of their parents can be traumatic. Do you want your son or daughter to grow up in an incomplete family? You should quietly and peacefully solve the problem, come to a common solution. You should not trumpet from the shoulder and tear everything apart, go to file for divorce.

It is said that the life of the parents influences the way the life of the children will be. If you divorce, it is not a fact that your child will follow the same path in the future. Would you like this development of events? Surely, you better renew the relationship and start everything from scratch. This is a truly wise decision.

How to survive a divorce

There are circumstances when divorce becomes the main decision. What can you do, anything can happen in life, nothing can be done about it. And how to survive the betrayal of her husband and divorce?

Remember again that life doesn't end there. You should sit down and calm down. Of course, you can throw out all your emotions, no one forbade you to do this. Cry, speak out loud about what pisses you off.
Now that you can normalize your condition, write on the worksheet the benefits that you will receive if you break the relationship. Surely there will be enough advantages, since now no one will forbid you to do what you would like. Visit new places, make friends and just enjoy the freedom. This is psychology, it is easier to survive the betrayal of a husband when you don’t think about it.
Understand that your life is just beginning. Now you can start from scratch. By expanding your social circle, you will surely feel comfortable. You can find a new man, but after a while.
If you have children, explain that the divorce was not their fault. You cannot shape children's thinking in such a way that they think that all the troubles are to blame only on them.
If the husband has changed, how to survive the betrayal and live on? Very simple, you should just forget about it, not even think. So everything will pass, and you will start a new life, where you will have no place for him. If there are old things left in the apartment, either throw them away, or give the ex-man the opportunity to pick them up.

Many women turn with a question and request "help to survive the betrayal of her husband." Indeed, in fact, not everyone is able to cope with such a phenomenon in their life, not everyone is simply ready for this. If the question of how to survive the betrayal of your husband is haunted, the advice of a priest can help you start a new life full of joy and happiness.

If you have been cheated on, you are most likely the victim of a terrible act. It is very important in such moments not to give up and try to fight for your happiness. It's up to you to decide whether to stay with the cheater or start an independent life. Everywhere has its pros and cons.

If you don't know how to survive a divorce after your husband's betrayal, the most important thing is that decisions are made when you are at rest.

Cheating on a husband is tantamount to betrayal. It is better for a loving wife not to know about her husband's infidelity, but the time comes, the secret becomes a reality. It is impossible to describe the power of pain, despair, hopelessness that befell the spouse at the moment the secret was revealed. The feeling of a destroyed world, the unexpectedness of a blow lead to deep depression and an insoluble dilemma - how to live after her husband's betrayal? The invaluable advice of psychologists will help you return to life and make a decision about your future fate.

Cheating is different, it is impossible to judge the actions of the husband, to advise, without knowing the details, the family situation.

Married men go into relationships with women for different reasons:

one-time sex, the embodiment of sexual desires, lust;
fleeting hobby, new sensations, fresh emotions, raising self-esteem;
love / love, distinguished by the strength of feelings, the duration of the novel.

It is easier to forgive a one-time betrayal, the spouse could be pushed by certain circumstances. Of course, this is not an excuse, but given the worldview and psychology of a man, it says a lot. Smart women know that men are by nature hunters and conquerors, so the risk of infidelity exists every hour. Hope dies last, I want to believe that your spouse is not like that, but statistics are stubborn things.

Some husbands allow moaning sex because of sexual incompatibility with their wife, protect her from their own passionate desires, fearing to humiliate this. He may not even remember the girl's face, because he saw only the body. It is not easier for a wife from such "care", but men have a special view of the situation, confidence in the correctness of their actions. Sex happens in a drunken state, if there is a pretty young lady nearby who wants to have fun, the chance of "continuing the story" in private is almost 100%. Having sober up, the spouse can repent, avoid repeating the mistake he made.

The pursuit of new emotions is arranged by constant "hunters" or spouses who have lived for decades in marriage. Monotony, a well-established way of life, children, family troubles gradually tire, make you bored. The sudden appearance of an interesting pretty person knocks a married man off the right path, the hormones of happiness are triggered. He gets a second youth, a chance to change a stagnant situation like a swamp, rejoices that someone else needs it. A large role is assigned to the lady, for the sake of which the man goes to constant infidelity. If he really loves, he can leave the family, falling in love will last for some time, but the marriage is unlikely to destroy.

Shocking news

Having learned about the infidelity of a loved one, a woman receives a mental pain shock, to which she reacts in different ways. No matter how trite it may sound, the first thing to do is to calm down, you cannot make inadequate decisions. You should take a break, create conditions for loneliness, the ideal option is to go on vacation. It is categorically impossible to take revenge by deciding to have sex with the first comer. You need to turn on your mind and decide how to live after your husband's betrayal.

There are two possible scenarios:

divorce;
forgive, keep the family.

It is difficult to answer which woman is more difficult, childless or who has a long-term marriage behind her back, common children, a well-established life. Long-term wives are more likely to forgive, especially for the sake of children. Young spouses often disagree because of infidelity, if the "foundation" of family relations is initially weak, is it worth continuing.

Either option is difficult, but possible. It is worth making a decision soberly, without deviating from the chosen path. It is easier to save a family if the husband is an interested person, meets halfway, tries to make amends. Calmly analyze why the spouse decided to change, perhaps you yourself became the impetus, correct mistakes. Psychologists say that jealous spouses provoke their husbands to a "leftist" campaign, because they are tired of scandals and groundless reproaches.

When making a decision, connect your intuition, your inner voice. Feeling that you will never heal as before, and it is impossible to forget the betrayal, it is better not to “force” the soul. An unhappy woman will not give happiness, especially to children, for the sake of which she wants to keep dad within the walls of the house.

There is no need to be afraid of someone's judgments, this is your life and only you have the right to write a script. There will always be people who will condemn, "teach" life, reproach for the stupidity of an act. Unfortunately, people want to talk, discuss, peck at someone. It is a non-disruptive system, you have to isolate yourself.

Parting

For those who have made a deliberate decision to leave, psychologists advise to act like this:

Eliminate accusations against you.
Do not analyze the mistress, looking for her superiority. You cannot develop complexes in yourself.
You need to have self-respect, remember about dignity. Do without communication and meetings with a homeowner.
It is important to part as friends, especially if you have children together. Now it is impossible to call a traitor a friend, but gradually the pain will pass, life will be arranged. For the children, he will remain the best dad; antagonizing the father will subsequently backfire.
Engage in self-development. Sign up for aerobics, strip dancing, fitness club, swimming. Sport helps to relieve mental pain, while improving your appearance and figure. A creative person should do what he loves, pouring out pain in paintings, paper, crafts. You can go to college, get another specialty, or sign up for the study of a foreign language. Any change will be of immense benefit.
Having met your ex-husband, avoid sharp reproaches, scandals, tears, memories. The decision was made, the divorce was filed.

You don't have to rush to fill out the gap. The breakup will bear fruit anyway. Left alone, you can quickly cure depression, otherwise a man will cause mental pain every day with one kind. For a certain time of separation, you will definitely understand whether a betrayed person is needed. The laws of fate work great, people often break up, but real feelings bring couples together again, providing a second chance.

Great forgiveness

You will have to forgive your husband unambiguously, otherwise the negative will "eat" from the inside, worsen your health, make the woman angry and weak.

You must achieve a sense of forgiveness in any way:

independent work;
with the help of loved ones who can listen and help;
by contacting a psychologist.

A truly strong, wise woman can forgive her husband for infidelity and return happiness to the family. Some ladies are sure that forgiveness of betrayal is a lack of self-respect, a manifestation of weakness, a losing option. How many people, so many opinions, but a person must make decisions on their own, avoiding tips, advice, stories of "own" experience.

To erase an unpleasant situation from memory forever will help the exclusion of its repetition, the feeling of déjà vu. It is easier for some to forgive, setting a certain framework for the spouse, he obeys. A born ladies' man will clearly not become a resident of the "cage", so having a husband of this breed, you should think twice about continuing the marriage. Lovelaces are easier to forgive once, letting go forever.

Effective advice from a psychologist for women who decide to forgive an unfaithful spouse, to save a marriage:

Control emotions, do not allow tantrums, reproaches, insults. Feel that memories, thoughts and pain begin to choke, talk to a loved one, throw out the negative.
Listen to pleasant music more often, dance.
Remember, people are sinful creatures, they tend to be wrong. Once you promised not to leave your loved one in difficult situations.
It is useful to splash the pain on paper, then re-read it. An effective method is to pronounce emotions on a dictaphone followed by listening.
You cannot sleep separately, avoid one blanket, refuse intimate relationships. A couple who excluded sex is an unhappy couple, so if you want to save the family, restore harmony, sex must be present. You need to turn off women's fantasy, stop comparing yourself to "her", not imagine your spouse in someone else's arms.
Conduct soulful conversations more often, show concern.
You can't ask your husband about the details of the betrayal, romance, dating. Avoid unnecessary mental wounds.
Convince yourself that you are the best woman on earth.
Remember why you fell in love with your spouse, what he was at first, appreciate it. Try to give what he was looking for outside the home (if it's more than one-time sex).

If the spouse repented of the retreat, does not repeat the mistakes, and the wife was able to sincerely forget the offense, the married couple will definitely reach a new, strong level of relationship. Psychologists say that complete reconciliation of spouses requires 3-5 heart-to-heart conversations. Forgetting the fact of betrayal will turn out in 2-3 years.

Ban

When the betrayal "knocked", it is categorically impossible to do the following:

To humiliate himself, to grab her husband by the legs, to beg to leave his mistress, to stay. To justify stupidity with the phrase "All methods are good in war" is another stupidity. Start cutting the veins, hanging yourself, etc., achieve the opposite effect - the husband will leave, even if he was not going to do it.
Look for contacts with your mistress. The woman who comes first admits defeat. There is no need to make appointments, threaten, dismiss, and scandal. Remember, she did not rape your husband, he is solely to blame.
Arrange surveillance, especially, deciding to save the family. Confirming distrust will lead to scandals, delaying reconciliation.
Take their own lives, wait for universal pity. Cheating is common, your story is unlikely to be unique.

In the end, I would like to cite the sad statistics that 99 out of 100 men can change, 75 changed at least once, 50 consider this to be quite normal. It's hard to resist masculine nature.